Featured Friend Friday: Becca Johnson

Meet Becca. My Buddy.

About 6ish years ago, I say 6ish because I'm not sure if it was 5, 6, or 7 years ago, I walked into church late (how times have changed) and my ears were graced with the voice of a new worship leader. At least, new to me. And while Becca's voice in it of itself is captivating, I was immediately taken by how authentic her worship was. I was relatively new in my faith, but I saw Jesus in her and knew without even yet knowing her that she was someone special.

Now, 6ish years later, I can boldly proclaim how right I was and how thankful I am that somehow since that day we've gotten to the point where I now call her friend. Well, I call her buddy. But those are synonyms, right?

Throughout the years, everything that I initially believed about Becca has proven to be true over and over again. There are few people I know who speak with such a combination of truth and grace or with as much careful consideration of the words that they say. There are few people I know who will challenge my own words or actions and will hold me to a standard that does not compromise my beliefs. When I find myself in a bit of a mess, she's the kind of person I'd want to meet in a parking lot. I mean, she's the kind of person I'd want in my corner.

Bob Goff, in his book Love Does, mentions that "psychologists are now theorizing about the separation of the brain and the mind. The brain is the stuff in your skull. But the mind, they say, works a lot like the Internet, a map of information collected from all our experiences and interactions with other people. In other words, we become connected together and are influenced more than we think." If that's true, then I am pretty thankful that for the last 6ish years, I have been connected with such a quality person. And I would argue that not only has Becca influenced me more than I probably think, but she has definitely influenced me more than she could possibly know. So much more.

I can not fail to mention the fact that Becca is also an incredible mom to a sweet baby girl who melts my heart every time she calls me buddy. Even though a majority of the time, she is afraid of me or playing coy, I always leave interactions with her with a smile on my face. That must be one of those "like mother, like daughter" things.

Buddy, I am so thankful for you and for the influence you have had on my life. Thank you for your prayers, listening ears, words of wisdom, and hello and goodbye hugs (but not for 20 seconds- that's weird). Thank you for knowing my crazy and keeping me anyway, for my favorite half and hours, and for holding up 3's on weekends (even though that has nothing to do with me). 6ish years ago, I was drawn to how Jesus shown through you. And now, 6ish years later, I still am. I'm proud to call you friend and hope you know just how much you are loved. Because you really stinkin are. You can probably see it in my eyes. It's been a lovely 6ish years and I'm keeping you for many, many years to come. Hope you're okAY with that.

K, Bye. :)

First is the Worst, Second is the Best

There have been two quotes ruminating in my mind lately. The first, from Judah Smith, the Pastor of The City Church in Seattle and the second is from Dr. Seuss.

Judah Smith stated, "I want to be a leader who is regularly leveraging my position to help others, not leveraging others for my position."  And before I move on to what the great Dr. said, I want to sit on this notion for awhile, because I think in general, as a society, we are failing at this.

We are a society that loves ourselves more than we love others. We sometimes love our neighbors, as we are called to do, but often times, we love our neighbors because it makes us look good. We care when it is convenient for us, which poses a problem if you believe that convenience has no place in caring. I think we are failing at caring because we are too worried about how we look ourselves. We don't rise to the occasion to care unless we are going to look better for it or we are going to get some type of recognition or praise. Unless we end up in first, it's not worth our time.

But to that type of caring, I say, "First is the worst. Second is the best." We need to become okay with being second so that we can love others into first.

"Wouldn't you like to be the skater who wins the silver, and yet is thrilled about those three triple jumps that the gold medal winner did? To love it the way you love a sunrise? Just to love the fact that it was done? For it not to matter whether it was their success or your success. Not to care if they did it or you did it. You are as happy that they did it as if you had done it yourself- because you are just so happy to see it" (Timothy Keller).

Our world is desperate for that kind of love. We don't need any more competitive love. It's not about one upping your neighbor by showing a bigger, better expression of it. It's not about name dropping. It's not about who you can spend time with and walk away from with the most prestige. It doesn't have to be grandiose and it shouldn't always point back to you. We're not called to love so that we can get the glory. We're called to love because God is love and we are to show Him to the ends of the earth.

Jesus didn't die and raise again so that we could get the praise. He didn't die for us to be worshipped. He died to make our broken lives beautiful in a way that only He can so that when people look at our lives, they see Him. Too much of our love is about us, even though we are shouting with our mouths that our lives are all about Him. Our actions need to speak louder than our words.

In Bob Goff's book, Love Does, in describing a friend and the way the friend loved him, Bob writes, "He saw the need and he did something about it. He didn't just say he was for me or with me. He was actually present with me" (p.8).

We need to start being actually present for one another. We need to stop weighing our actions and whether or not we care based on how it will make us look, or if we have time, or how convenient it is for us. We can sit and complain and grovel about the condition of our world, but until we start showing up and actually being present, our world is not going to change. I'll say it again, our actions need to speak louder than our words.

Until our loving and caring stops being driven by our desires to see ourselves more glorified, our love won't make a difference. Our world won't change. Until we start choosing to care even when it might mess up our schedules or change our plans, our caring won't make a difference. Our world won't change.Which brings me to the Dr. Seuss quote from The Lorax, “Unless someone like you cares a whole awful lot. Nothing is going to get better. It's not.”

Featured Friend Friday: Rachel Shipman



There are two reasons today is your lucky day. One, the world didn't end. And two, you get to meet Rachel.

Rachel is.... Hmm. I'm having a hard time finishing that sentence because Rachel is a plethora of really great things and none of the sentences I am coming up with just seem good enough. She is hands down, one of my very most favorite people in the entire land.

There are few people I laugh as much with. Regardless of the day I am having or the mood I am in, a few simple back and forth text messages with this girl and I am giggling. I love how easy laughing is with her and how laughing is inevitable in her presence. One of my favorite memories with Rachel is the time that we were trying to get down a helium balloon that was stuck up in her ceiling. We pulled a stool into the living room so that I could stand on it. After standing on it, I still could not reach, so we grabbed a spatula from the kitchen. I was able to reach the balloon with the spatula, but couldn't get it to come down. So the natural response was for Rachel to chew some gum, stick it on the end of spatula, and then when I hit the spatula with the balloon, the balloon would stick to it and come down. And throughout all of this, on my head, I was wearing a monkey hat and fake plastic toy glasses. And yet, we were serious. Needless to say, our plan didn't work- but eventually, we did get the balloon down. And now, when I think back on that moment, I can't not laugh. It's one of my favorite memories because it encompasses the reality that even the smallest of things are fun when they are done with Rachel. With her, the little things don't seem little.

Rachel is one of the most gracious people I have ever met in my entire life. When I am troubleshooting a bad day and Rachel is on the listening side of the story, and I am saying things that are wrong or aren't true and she knows it, she lets me speak first. She lets me explain how I am feeling and why I am feeling that way and before she speaks truth into my life, she validates how I am feeling and acknowledges that she can see how I am feeling that way. Most often, from the first word I say, I am talking crazy, but my crazy is met with such grace. It's humbling how gracious she is.

Rachel may not know this, but she operates in all things at a standard of excellence that most strive to reach, but never do. She is an exceptional mother, raising two of the sweetest little girls I have ever had the privilege to know and love. Gosh, do I love them. She is raising champions and I love watching their little lives unfold. The legacy that she is leaving is simply beautiful. She is also an incredibly talented photographer. I'm not much of a cryer (I'm wondering how many people just rolled their eyes and said "yeah right?"), but Rachel has this this uncanny ability to capture emotion in pictures so stinkin well, that very often, when I look at her work, I tear up. I highly suggest you hop on over to her website http://www.rachelannphotography.com and check out her work. You will not be disappointed.

I am so thankful that Rachel's path crossed mine for so many reasons. I feel incredibly blessed. The other day, a friend and I were talking when Rachel called. I answered the call and my other friend could hear the conversation that Rachel and I were having. Probably because she was on speaker phone. But when I hung up the phone, a conversation about just how great a friend Rachel is to me was sparked. And my eyes might have watered because I was overwhelmed with just how lovely of a friend I have. Because I do. I really, really do.

I love you, Rachel. I am so thankful to call you friend. My life has been made better because of you being a part of it. Thank you for being you, for all of the laughs, and handshakes, and fictional character talk. For all of the listening and prayers and hugs. For showing me Jesus all of the time. You, my friend, are one of my most favorite thoughts. "Thank you for being a friend..."

Featured Friend Friday: Mark Zoccali

Meet Mark.

I met Mark about 5 years ago and had no idea that we would become such great friends, but I am so glad that we did.

Out of all of my friends, Mark is probably one who I have the most random stories with. And with random stories come laughs, so it goes without saying, but I'll say it anyway, we laugh a lot.

Mark and I are both broke. I hope he doesn't mind that I just publicly told the world about his bank account status. But anyway, because we are broke, the thing we do most is get coffee. And when I say coffee, I actually mean chai with a shot of espresso for Mark. Coffee shop outings are always full of avoiding people we know but don't want to talk to (Is that mean? well, if that's mean, I don't want to be nice), listening to the latest from the contestants on the Voice or Xfactor, talking about Gandhi and the vision for peace he had that India just can't seem to reach, accidentally stealing other people's coffees and drinking them, and of course, what most people do at coffee, just plain talking about life.

Speaking of life, it has been crazy awesome watching Mark's life unfold over the years and I am so proud of all that he has accomplished and so excited to watch him continue to change lives for years to come. A few years ago, Mark found himself in an orphanage in Guatemala on a mission's trip team and honestly since then, I am not sure if he has been in Guatemala or the US more. There are few people I know that find their passion and aggressively pursue it. Many people  have dreams, but only talk about them. Mark does them. It is a treat to have a front row seat to watch what God is doing in his life and He is doing great things.

In May, Mark is graduating and planning on moving to the orphanage in Guatemala for an extended period of time. He is raising all of his financial support, so if you're interested in helping him out, let me know. To read more about his stories and what's going on in his life, you should check out his blog: http://marktomarcos.blogspot.com/.

I am so thankful for the friendship that I have with Mark and think it is such a privilege to have the opportunity to support and encourage him in the work that he is doing. Thanks for loving orphans and the world the way you do, Mark. You're a world changer and I am so lucky to call you friend.

My friends are better than yours. Over and out.

Dear Friends...It's Just Me Again.

I operate completely under the notion that God customized my world specifically for me. Maybe that's being self-centered or egocentric, but it's what I believe. As a result, when people are placed into my life, I see them as hand-wrapped gifts straight from Heaven and I don't know about you, but when I get a hand-wrapped gift straight from Heaven, I want to handle it with care.

This past May, I wrote a blog called "Dear Friends..." It was a letter to my hand-wrapped gifts straight from Heaven that I meant with my whole heart. And in a minute, I'm going to paste it into this post, as well because I still mean it with my whole heart. I am so convinced that I am the luckiest girl in the world and I think everyone should know just how lucky. So, I am going to start Featured Friend Fridays, in which I write a post bragging about a different friend each week. I'm doing this for two reasons. One, because my friends are so bragworthy and Two, because I want to give them a glimpse of themselves through my eyes because I believe there is power in speaking life into people and often times, we can see things in others that they can't see themselves. So, keep your eyes posted. I'm going to attempt to do this as often as I can, but I'm not the best at keeping up with a blog, so forgive me when I fail. Because I will.

Dear Friends

Lately, as I've been reading, it seems the things that are sticking out most to me are in regards to relationships. As previously mentioned, I'm convinced that I have the best friends and family this crazy world has to offer and when I recognize the fact that God customized my world with them in it, it knocks my argyle socks right off. In recognizing that they are gifts determined just for me from the Giver of all gifts, I cherish them all the more. However, so often I fail at telling them. This is my attempt.

When I think about moments in my life where I've felt the most loved, the saying "the people who matter most to us are those who show up in our lives" can be applied to almost every situation. Showing up can mean an array of things. By choosing to show up, however that may look, from being physically present or whispering a prayer miles away, in that moment, you're choosing someone else over yourself. You're saying, in your showing up, "hey, your worth my time." I never want to miss the opportunity to let someone know that. Dear friends, you are so worth my time.

When I think about moments in my life where I've felt the most broken, I can point to people who have been willing to show up and in their showing up, they were putting me back together. I think about the friends who knew that there was a crying me on the other end of the phone, but picked up anyway. I think about the friends who have come out to their porch after dark to give me a hug, no questions asked. I think about the friends who have just sat with me in silence instead of forcing a conversation. I think about the friends who have prayed for me and with me. I think about the friends who have been with me in awkward situations and remained themselves. Friends who tell a joke, when most wouldn't. Friends who just listen, even in my crazy, irrational rants. Friends who call me out. Friends who do not compromise in speaking truth. (Sidenote: My friends are better than yours. Hands down.) In all of those scenarios, there is a common theme. I was met with a heart that loved me and in that moment, was committed to me, "a heart full of hope for" me. Dear friends, my heart is full of hope for you.

When I think about moments in my life where the most laughter has ensued, it has been the moments where spontaneity was the most possible. Where there has been freedom to just be. When "you are free to love without an agenda". When there is expectancy without expectation.

"If you and I are friends, there is an expectancy that exists within our friendship. When we see each other or are apart, there is expectancy of being together, of laughing and talking. That expectancy has no concrete definition; it is alive and dynamic and everything that emerges from our being together is a unique gift shared by no one else. But what happens if I change that ‘expectancy’ to an ‘expectation’ -- spoken or unspoken? Suddenly, law has entered into our relationship. You are now expected to perform in a way that meets my expectations. Our living friendship rapidly deteriorates into a dead thing with rules and requirements. It is no longer about you and me, but about what friends are supposed to do, or responsibilities of a good friend" (The Shack)

This notion that love does not force itself has been replaying over and over in my mind. Friendship that is forced is not really friendship because the beauty of friendship is that it's a choice. You can choose whether or not someone is your friend, that's what makes it so special. You're someones friend because they choose you. Dear friends, oh how, I choose you.

When I think about those whom I love the greatest and whom have loved me the greatest, I think about those who I know the most and whom I have allowed to know me the most."So many believe that it is love that grows, but it is the knowing that grows and love simply expands to contain it. Love is just the skin of knowing" It's the people who have seen me at my worst and in those moments have never ceased to love me like I was at my best. It's the people who know that even though I might say this, I mean that. It's the people who know all of silly quirks and insecurities, but love me anyway. It's the people who know me and stay. Dear friends, I love knowing you.

Dear friends, dear friends, dear friends....

How to Break a Sire Bond?

I bet you're wondering what a Sire Bond is.

If you already know, call me. We could probably be really great friends.

A Sire Bond is a very technical term used on the television show, Vampire Diaries. I know I didn't have to use the word technical given the context of where it comes from, but just in case someone didn't know how legit Vampire Diaries is, they now do. A sire bond is the link between creator and creation in which creation complies with the direct and indirect orders of the creator in order to show its loyalty. (Yes, I did google what is a sire bond?)

Now that you know, I'm not going to lie to you, I am considering Jesus Juking the notion of a Sire Bond by talking about how we are to be obedient to God, our Creator, and how our lives should point to Him.

But don't worry, I won't. I'm simply writing this post because I was dared to and when I'm dared to do harmless things, I find it hard not to. So if you're looking for any insight or reading of worth, you can stop now. You're not going to find it. This is just me being completely ridiciulous.

And to keep with the honesty theme I have going, I have no idea how to break a sire bond. I just thought that was a compelling title (For all you vampire diaries fans out there, pun completely intended).

I do, however, think that if you are actually interested in breaking a sire bond, you should contact your local three year old. They are experts are breaking the direct and indirect orders of their creators, also known as their parents. And Damon, well you can  just contact me.

Show and Tell

I feel strongly called to speak life and encouragement into the lives of those around me. I understand the power of words and how they can transform lives, but I think that words without actions are the easy way out. It's harder to show someone you love them than to say it. Showing involves pursuing.

Lately, I have been obsessed with the notion that I am called to pursue others. According to my dictionary app, one definition of the word pursue is "to attend to." I love that definition because the definition of the word attend is "to be present." So to pursue others, essentially means to be present for them.

For me, pursuing doesn't have to be this grandiose gesture. In fact, little things often stand out more in my mind than the big things. But, pursuing does require you to pour yourself out for the benefit of others. And because it's costing us something, we naturally want to get something back. And when we don't, we become defensive. We decide we're done. And we stop pursuing. We stop being present.

They never want to hang out.
Their phone always goes to voicemail.
They never ask me how I am doing.
They only ever reach out to me when they need something.
Where's my thank you?

And so on and so on and so on. We get tired of being present for people more than they are present for us. And sometimes, you should. Friendships shouldn't be one-sided. Either should dollar bills. That means they're fake. No one should be used or valued only when they are of convenience to others. But a lot of the time, we're just not operating in the grace that is so often extended to us.

I don't know about you, but I am certainly glad that Jesus doesn't stop pursuing me all of the times I fail to pursue Him. All of the times I fail to be present with Him. All of the times my effort in our relationship pales in comparison to His, which is and will forever be, always.

I think that in pursuing others, we somehow lose sight that it's not always about us.
It's not always about MY time, MY efforts, or how I'M pouring into others. Pursuing shouldn't be about me and about what I'm not getting out of it. Pursuing is always about the other person. Pursuing requires action.

So Stop. Stop giving up on people. Stop being done with people. Stop being lazy with people. Stop saying words you never intend on acting on and start acting on words that you've said. Start extending grace. Start speaking words of affirmation and life. Start being present. Start pursuing. Starting loving the way God loves us.

"Our God is not patiently standing by and waiting for us to offer love. He is actively and vigorously pursuing us...He is the father running down the trail to embrace the prodigal son even before the boy can speak his act of contrition. He is the mad farmer showering a full day's wage o men who hadn't even worked. He is Jesus forgiving the sinful woman even before she spoke her sorrow. He is the king lavishing a banquet on beggars....God is not the sort to casually murmur, "Well, sure I love you." He constantly shows how much"- Andrew Greeley.

To pursue others or to be present for is to show how much. I challenge you to operate in the simple elementary school principle: show and tell.

Road Signs

Last week, as I was praying about what to share at a retreat for my internship, an image/experience kept coming to my heart. The image: Driving behind a Semi.

When you get into your car to head somewhere, you typically know the destination. You know the roads that you need to take to get there. You know the stops you need to make along the way. You know the direction you're headed. And then, you get stuck behind a Semi. A semi that constantly is stepping on the brakes, a semi that is driving 15 miles below the speed limit, a semi that is randomly stopping and going, and you can't see around it to see as to why. A semi that is now preventing you from seeing what is up ahead.

In that moment, if you're anything like me, you start focusing on the Semi. How come it's slowing down? Enough with the brakes! Pull over, already! What the... And for the sake of a blog that is public, I'm going to stop my train of thoughts right about there. No one needs to meet the road rager in me.

But in focusing on the Semi, I'm forgetting that I am still on the same path that I was  when I started the drive. If I look back, I can still see all the turns and stops I've made to get where I am. I'm still headed to my final destination- whether the Semi is in front of me or not.

In Psalm 119, the psalmist writes "Barricade the road that goes Nowhere; grace me with you clear revelation. I choose the road to Somewhere. I post your road signs at every curve and corner. I grasp and cling to whatever you tell me. God, don't let me down. I'll run the course you lay out for me if you just show me how (29-32 MSG)."

How many times do we stop focusing on the fact that we are on the road to Somewhere when we find ourselves behind a Semi? How often do we lose sight of the dream because someone tells us we can't? Or the obstacles seem impossible to overcome? Or the doors keep shutting? Or the process is taking longer than we wanted? How many times in the midst of all of this, do we forget to look back and remember where God has shown Himself faithful. Where God has proven He is for us.

There's going to be some bumps in the road. We're bound to hit some monster pot-holes. Heck, there might even be some ridiculous detours, but if we're posting road signs at every curve and corner, when a Semi comes and we can no longer see what is ahead, we can look back on the road signs that we have posted and declare that we are still on the path to Somewhere. And that even when we can't see the end of the road, we can rest in the fact that we know where it ends.

I think sometimes we get so caught up on where we want to be and how come we aren't there yet, that we forget where we have come from and where we have already been. Jeremiah 31:21 reminds us to "set up road signs, put up guideposts. Take note of the highway, the road that you take." I love this idea of setting up road signs because to me, it brings perspective to a journey. I love knowing that even if you're stuck behind the biggest, most inconvenient semi to ever drive, you can look back and realize that the semi hasn't changed where you're heading. It might have changed the rate in which you get there, and increased your levels of frustration, but you're still heading to the same place you set out for at the beginning of the journey. Road signs enable us to stop looking at the Semi long enough to look back on all that's already been accomplished by the grace of God

"Once again, I'll go over what God has done, lay out on the table the ancient wonders; I'll ponder all the things you've accomplished and give a long, loving look at your acts. Oh, God! Your way is holy. No god is great like God. You're the God who makes things happen, You showed everyone what You can do" (Psalm 77:11-15).

Dear Self,

Stop. Stop living in fear. It changes the way you walk. You know this. You. know. this. Remember the frog? It seems silly, but it's the perfect illustration of this principle. It stopped you from moving.

[I should explain the frog comment. I am terrified of frogs. Just seeing one makes my stomach turn and one night, not too long ago, I came home late and right in front of the steps to my house, there was a frog. A big, nasty, gross frog. And it stopped me in my tracks. I'm embarrassed to tell you how long I stood outside my house strategically planning how I was going to get in. I'm also embarrassed to tell you that for weeks after, I only stepped in certain spots just in case the frog was around. I'm sure I looked crazy to my neighbors. But I digress...]

Fear does that. It paralyzes you, but it's contrary to love. Because love does. (Thank you Bob Goff). The word does implies action. It means you're doing something. You're called to be a doer of the Word (James 1:22). Stop fearing so you can move. You've got dreams. Huge, crazy world changing dreams. And even though, they are huge and crazy, they aren't impossible. You've got influence that you aren't walking in because you're stopped. Go.

You want to know the remedy to fear? Love. Perfect Love casts out fear. God is love and God is light. Remember that whole frog story? You walk differently when the outside light is on. When you can see the dark for what it really is. It's the same principle with fear. When you shine some light on in, it looks differently- the Life Light blazed out of the darkness and the darkness could not put it out.

Hold your fears up to the light, Truax.

The fears that scream at you that you won't be adequate. You'll never be enough.You aren't going to matter.You will fail.You are all alone.There's someone better than you to do it. It's too big, you can't do it.

Those thoughts will stop you. Those thoughts will paralyze you. Those thoughts will get you nowhere- they are rooted in fear. Stop and shine the light on them. You are fearfully and wonderfully made. God's plans for you are for you to prosper and not to harm you, to give you a hope and a future. You. It says you. It means you.You might fail, but the righteous fall seven times and rise again. And when you are weak, He is strong. He will never leave you or forsake you- You aren't alone. There's someone better than you to do it? Okay Moses, tell that to the people who won't get let go. And nothing is too big for the Lord.

Stop. Just stop. Stop focusing on your fears. Because your fears are all about you. And it's not about you. It's never been about you. Stop focusing on the fact that you can't, you won't, and you aren't and start focusing on the fact that HE IS. He is strong when you are weak. He is more than enough when you fall short. He is faithful when you are faithless. His ways are higher than your ways and His plans are greater than your plans. It's not about you. It's all about Him. He doesn't make broken lives beautiful so that we can look good- lives are made beautiful so that when people look at us, they see Him. It's not about you. The reality is that when you fall flat on your face and when you are at your lowest, He shines the brightest. When it's evident that you have no strength left and you're weary, every step you take points to Him because it is not on your strength you are rising. It's on His.

Truth be told, You aren't ever going to measure up. You're always going to fall short. But stop focusing on that. Stop fearing that, because Perfect Love has come and said that His grace is sufficient for You. And when Perfect Love comes, fear can't stay.

 You have to stop, before you go go.

Rwanda: The Rest of the Story

So now that about a month's worth of Wednesdays have come and gone without "it" being written, I've decided to write on a day other than Wednesday and in a manner not consistent with what I have been previously doing. Look at me breaking routines. Instead of giving you the rest of the Rwanda trip day by day from my journal- I'm going to summarize the last six days. You're welcome- you now will not be reading a book. You'll be reading a blog. With pictures. Winning.

8/7/12

Kids came to check out the after-school learning room today. There were so many children to play with. It was incredible and crazy fun.

We played the game headbands. There is a language barrier so explaining the games at times was difficult, but these kids are brilliant and caught on quickly. The older kids also helped us to translate.

 

I showed some of the kids some magic tricks. I figured since it was magic camp at Pearce it was appropriate. And as it turns out, magic is pretty universal. The kids loved it. Ishmael caught on fast and then wanted to learn how to do it himself. He learned it a whole lot faster than I did.

 This boy in the orange shirt completely captured my heart. We played some made up version of patty cake and giggled about absolutely nothing. I could have giggled with him all day long. And by all day long, I mean forever. I could have giggled with him forever.

Some kids at the office reacting to seeing their pictures on the camera. How stinkin cute are they?

8/8/12

"It's so easy to fall in love with this place and these people. I'm so thankful for the experience" That sentiment about sums up everyday while in Rwanda, but I wrote it on this day. We spent the day at the school program, again.

 

Just some of the faces that I got to spend the day with. Kamanzie, Protogene, and Ishmael. I think their pictures alone explain the whole "it's so easy to fall in love with this place" notion.

 

8/9/12- "So today we drove to the Noel Orphanage, in Gisenyi. It's 4 hours away from Kigali and the scenery on the way there, was breathtaking. I could have stared out the window forever. Once we got to the orphanage, hundreds of kids swarmed our van wanting to say hi and touch us. One girl, she is 14, and her name is Maria grabbed my hand and for the rest of the day was by my side. Every time I went into a room through the front door, she would be there to meet me at the back door to grab my hand again. It broke my heart to see how desperate these kids are for love, but it made me so thankful to be there to have the opportunity to love on them."

 

 

(This is Maria)

 (Maria, Jon, Benwaeh)

 

8/10/12- We spent the whole day at the Noel Orphanage. It was incredible. Incredible being a huge understatement. I loved the entire day and every child that I met easily stole my heart, but there was one baby who I met, who not only stole my heart, but still has it. Her name is Gracie. She was playing in a field and came running over to me with outstretched arms saying "Mama." I picked her up and played with her. And for over an hour, she would not let me put her down. I sang with her and hugged her and cried every time she rested her sweet little face on my shoulder and clung tighter. That Gracie girl won me.

 

 

8/11/12- We spent the morning again at Noel before heading back to Kigali. I think I'll let my journal do the talking on this day " How do you even begin to put into words the end of a trip like this? How can I write about saying goodbye to children that took my breath away? How can I possibly describe what it was like to fall head over heels in love with children and have to hug them and tell them I love them, knowing that I may never see them again? How do I write about how there was so much more I wish I could do? I can't possibly. There's a saying that God sleeps in Rwanda, but I'm fully convinced He wakes here too. I am so incredibly moved by this country. Jesus, all I can do is give You praise. All the glory. All the honor. All the praise."

 

 

8/12/11- This is the day that we boarded the plane to come back home. This is the day where I once again learned that Rwanda is my hardest goodbye. This is the day where I already starting dreaming about my next hello. Oh Rwanda, you have my attention.

Rwanda: 8/6/12

8/6/2012

Oh Jesus, You are so incredibly breathtakingly beautiful. I see You here everywhere. I'm in love with this country. I am in love with these people. Today was wonderful. This morning we went to the African New Life Church's Dream Center and learned about the different programs there. It's so incredible to hear the different ways the church is being the hands and feet of Jesus. I love when the church isn't just a place where people come to, but rather a community of people who leave the walls of a building and meet people where they are. After all, we are the church, right? 

After we went to the Acres of Hope property and prayed about the work to be done there. Mike (our team leader) told us the vision and we walked the property some. The potential to be done there and the hope it will instill was tangible. The scenery was absoutely stunning. I fell in love with the country all over again.

 

Our next stop was the African Bagel Company for lunch, where we toured and heard from the woman who was operating it. She had the women who worked there come sing for us. They sang a few songs, one of which was "What a friend we have in Jesus" in Kinyarwandan. It takes my breath away when they sing. It is so pure and raw and real, and I love the reminder that we serve an international God. I could have sat and listened to them sing all day long.

 

 

We then went to the special needs orphanage and hung out with the children and some adults who live there. I loved them. This was the first time I was frustrated with the language barrier because I wanted to be able to talk more with the children. Because I couldn't, the best way to show love was physical touch. I loved loving them in that way. I held many hands and gave many hugs and smiles. Their smiles shone brighter than any star I've ever seen. They were incredible kids. It's heartbreaking to know that if they were in the U.S., the quality of care they received would be much more. The women who took care of them, however, were incredible- some of the most selfless people I've ever seen in my entire life. It was humbling and inspiring to watch them love on the children. When we first walked up, the children were all singing, laughing, and dancing in whatever capacity they could. It was beautiful. They are well loved and easily worked their way into my heart.

 

 

 

 

After our time there, we went back to the African Bagel Company to have a pizza party with the boys from the Home of Innocence. They sang and danced for us. It was really neat to see/hear them perform and watch how they support and interact with one another. These kids have completely captured my heart in the past few days. They are just so beautiful and their smiles....oh my gracious. I feel so lucky and thankful to be here and to have met them. I'm so crazy in love with this place, these people, this country. I don't even have the words. Holy Moly! Holy. Moly. Thank you Jesus.  

 

 

 

As I reread through my journal and about the experiences I had in Rwanda, it's frustrating to know just how far short my words fall. I wish that everyone I know could have seen the incredible beauty that was evident everywhere you looked. I wish you could have held the hands of the sweetest kids and spent time with the people. I wish you could have been there, because I know without a shadow of a doubt, that you would have been just as captivated, fallen just as hard in love, and walked away just as breathless. It would have been impossible for you not to. Oh Rwanda, you have won me.

 

 

 



 



Rwanda: 8/4/12 & 8/5/12

Some journal excerpts and reflections from the first Saturday and Sunday we were in Rwanda....

8/4/12
So this is what it feels like to come home?! I am exhausted, but so excited. On the flight from D.C. to Ethiopia, I ran into Mindy from the Health Academy. I haven't seen her since high school and we ran into each other on a flight to Africa....crazy. We got a man to switch seats with us so we spent the 13 hour flight catching up. It was really nice to have someone to fly with. I felt like it was just one more thing pointing to the fact that God's hand was all over this trip and a reminder of how faithful He is. Gosh, He is incredibly faithful. On my other side was Claude. Claude is from the Congo, but currently lives in NY. He was going back to the Congo to visit his parents. He was very sweet and fun to get to know. At the end of the flight, I felt like I was saying goodbye to an old friend.

We met the whole team in Ethiopia. Everyone seems really sweet and we all get along well. I am looking forward to getting to know everyone better as the trip progresses. We arrived in Kigali, Rwanda at noon today and waited for the luggage for awhile. Half the team did not get their luggage, but thankfully I got mine. I was even more thankful for this the next day- you'll understand once I share how Sunday started out. Later on, once we were settled in a bit, we went to the boys home- the Home of Innocence and met the boys. We played soccer and hung out for a little bit with them. I'm looking forward to spending more time with them. They are very sweet. Driving through the country can be a rough ride at times, but it is full of unmistakable beauty. Oh, that could preach. I need to sleep so I'm ready for tomorrow. I am so thankful to be tucked under this mosquito net, writing by flashlight. So unbelievably, unmistakably thankful. I can't believe I get to do this. What a privilege..

I mentioned in my journal that I was looking forward to getting to know the team more and I must say that I am so thankful for the team that was put together to go on this trip. To say that I enjoyed getting to know the team and watching them serve would be an understatement. I met some world changers over those ten days and it was such a privilege to hear and watch them share their hearts. I couldn't have picked a better team to share the experience with. God has this way of customizing things perfectly- this team was no exception.

8/5/12- This journal post was exceptionally long so I'm just going to give you some of the highlights from the day. Although, the entire day was a highlight. I wish that I could have taped the whole experience so that I could give more justice to it. Better yet, I wish that everyone I know could have been there to experience it for themselves. Next time, I'm just going to have to pack y'all in my suitcase. Anyway, here we go....

So remember that time I fainted and peed my pants in the van on the way to church? I wish I could say me neither. :) I don't feel embarrassed at all, but I do feel a bit like an inconvenience. They had to bring me home and Derek had to stay with me, which was very generous of him, plus the car seats were peed on. I woke up and had no idea where I was and the team told me everything. I am sad about missing church, but somehow have this strange peace about it. It's like God is showing me that I work so hard not to be an inconvenience to people who know me and love me, but He is reminding me that people are never inconveniences. These people don't know me hardly at all, but they stopped to take care of me. How much more would my friends and family? How much more would God? Sometimes maybe were supposed to "inconvenience" others, not for any other reason, but to realize that with love, it's not really inconveniencing. People matter more and friends like to help friends out. They don't see the inconvenience, they see the friend. And all of that applies even when I'm the friend and not the helper. I love so much to serve, but struggle with being served. It's crazy that on a missions trip to Africa, I end up having to be served in this way. God has a funny sense of humor, but what's the craziest part of all this not so fun memory- I feel as though God is smiling at me and saying " Hey, you're worth all of this." Holy Moly.

Thank you Jesus that the remainder of the day I did not get sick again. The team was so sweet to me when they got back. Michelle hugged me and I felt very loved. We headed to lunch and then the genocide memorial. The memorial was so heartbreaking, but there is so much beauty in the brokenness. This is the most beautiful place on earth. Seriously, I want everyone to come here.

Tonight, as we were sorting donations, the power went out and someone asked "Does anyone need to use my light to find their lights?" And I loved the imagery of that, because sometimes when we are in the dark, it's the light of others that helps us begin to see again. I loved that. I love that. I know, for me, there have been times where I've relied on the light of others to point me back when I've gotten on track. That's what ministry is- directing people to the light using the light in you.

Tonight I was wandering the kitchen looking for a garbage and Feas, the house keeper, helped me. He speaks little English and tried to teach me to say goodnight in Kinyarwandan. I couldn't do it. I can barely say big words in English, so to try to pronounce words in another language, for me, is proving to me nearly impossible. He was giggling a lot at me. I was giggling a lot at me. There was a whole lot of giggling going on. I could have laughed with him all night, over not being able to say goodnight. I love how this place is reminding me of joy in the simple things. Did I mention I love it here? Cause I really, really do.

Here are a few pictures of the guest house we stayed at in Kigali:

 

 

 

Rwanda: 8/3/2012

It's impossible to find the words adequate enough to describe my time in Rwanda. In fact, I've already written 4 different introductions, just to delete them all because they didn't capture what I wanted them to capture and the reality is, they won't. My words will never measure up when it comes to describing the people I met. There aren't words sweet enough.

But to not even try would be a shame, so I have decided for the next few Write-It-Wednesdays that I am going to write about my days spent there. Consider this your all access pass, because most of the posts are going to come straight from my journal- which I did not write in nearly enough.

August 3rd, 2012-

I can't believe that I just finished my first flight of three to Rwanda. I can't believe that I get to go back. My heart is literally bursting with excitement and overwhelmed by the faithfulness of God and how He has provided my every need of my journey to get here. I'm an emotional mess. I cried watching a teenage boy say goodbye to his mom before boarding. I cried when the sun started to rise over the clouds during the flight. And I cried when I read the sweetest letter sent with me by my sweet buddy. Love has already been stamped over this entire trip. I have been filled with it and I can't wait to pour it all out. I am so thankful. I'm sitting in the Washington D.C. airport and I've already been changed by the experience. I've already had to stop and catch my breath over the fact that I am actually getting to do this and I've already had to pause more than once to offer up praise and worship to the King of Kings because I have been overwhelmed by His presence. I am so expectant for the trip and so ready to be used in whatever capacity God asks me to be. Ask me, I am listening.

And that was just on the plane...I can't wait to share with you the days that I was actually in Rwanda and how my heart was spoken to while there. As I read back on this first day, one thing that sticks out to me is that I was so expectant and I had, whether I knew it at the time or not, preconceived expectations of how I thought the experience was going to be. While all my expectations were of a great trip, none of them were met. They were exceeded. Sometimes I forget that God's plans are higher than mine. This trip was a tangible example. I'll say it again....I am so thankful.

Rwanda: I wanna dance with my Father

This Friday, I leave for the most beautiful place I have ever been and when I actually grasp the reality of that I have to stop and catch my breath. I'm going back to Rwanda and it feels like a part of me is finally going home after being away for too long. I am going with an organization called All God's Children International and we will be working predominately with a few different orphanages.

I can't wait. I can't wait. I can't wait. I can't say it enough. My heart is so expectant and excited for what this trip is going to entail. I recently read a blog and it talked about how our society is so great at being "over" and "under" people, but so often we fail at just being alongside one another. On this trip, what I am looking forward to most, is being alongside the people at Rwanda. To love on them. To listen to them. To honor them. To learn from them. To just be with them.

When I had the opportunity to go in 2008, the moment I remember most is when we were teaching English in the high schools. Since the high schoolers were very into music, we decided to use worship songs to teach them English. We played the songs, passed out the lyrics, and went over the vocabulary. After all the questions were answered, we then played the songs again and sang them together. And I've yet to hear anything more beautiful. To hear these beautiful boys and girls singing with their broken English and Rwandan accents, adding drum beats and harmonies, and with all the emotion in the world about the God of every nation was breathtaking. Our differences didn't matter in that moment because the only thing that mattered was the fact that we had the same Father.

My sole hope for this trip is that my team and I can be vessels of the greatest Love there's ever been. That we can speak life into brokenness and be the instruments that Jesus uses to bring people into a deeper revelation of just how much He loves them. That He would be our guide and we would be unafraid following His lead...After all, He orchestrates the most beautiful dances.

I wanna dance with my Father. Bring on the ballroom.

Investments Worth the Risk

I think the most important investment you can make is an investment in others. The return for this investment is one of the most rewarding, but also can be one of the most risky. The commonly accepted definition of an investment risk is "a deviation from the expected outcome.", whether positive or negative. With investment, there is always a risk, but when investing in people, I would argue the risk is even greater because what's at stake is your heart. People don't make investments unless what they are investing in is worth the risk. Others, are worth the risk.

This notion is so close to my heart because who I am today has been shaped by those who have invested in me. My faith has been deepened, my heart has been opened, and my life has been changed by others deciding that I was worth their time. To me, investments have looked like conversations over coffee, words of encouragement, listening ears, letters in the mail, prayers whispered, prayers shouted, car rides, calls/texts answered, when others have shown up, when others have stayed, and simply just time with those who I hold dear.

But even greater than that, I think investing in others is how others are led to the feet of Jesus.

Matthew 5: 14-16 (MSG) says "...Keep open house; be generous with your lives. By opening up to others, you'll prompt people to open up with God, this generous Father in heaven."

We are asked to be generous with our lives. When I think of the word generous in relation to my life, my first thought is to accomplish that means to spend time with others and to share life with others, but I think living generously with my life also means taking the time to encourage, to speak life, to pray boldly for, and to serve. To put others needs, wants, and desires before my own. To show up. "Jesus had most of His followers by the time He'd said hello. Being present is all the information most people need" (Bob Goff).

It's the desire of my heart for lifts those in my life to feel invested in. I want to be someone who encourages and others up. I want to be someone who is dependable and consistent in my love. I want to be someone who takes the time to claim the promises of God over others. When I go out to dinner, I want to be done with my food first because I'm too busy listening to talk. I want to pour out my love on others until they find themselves at the feet of the One who loves them most.

David Kinnaman, in his book Unchristian, says that "our task is to be effective agents of spiritual transformation in people's lives, whatever that may cost in time, comfort or image. " Whatever it costs, whatever the risk: Others, are worth it. The best investment you can make is an investment in people.

Jesus, You Have Won Me...

Giving love does not mean that you will always receive love and to be honest with you, I think that sucks. I think one of the greatest gifts that we have been given is to show love and to be shown love and if I were in control, the two would always occur simutaneously. But, thankfully, I'm not in control.

Because if I were, then choosing to love wouldn't be a choice. It would be forced and I strongly believe that love does not force itself. Jesus didn't force me to love Him. He could have. He could have threatened me with Hell until I finally decided to choose Him so that I could avoid Hell, but that's not love. That's fear.

And perfect love casts out fear (1 John 4:18).

Jesus doesn't want me to follow Him or live obediently to Him because I'm afraid of what will happen if I don't. He wants me to do those things because I love Him. He wants to cast out the fear, so that we can experience perfect love. He is the perfect example of this notion that giving love does not mean that you will always receive love. The Bible tells us that "Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends (John 15:13)". He died for us exemplfying the greatest love and yet still there are moments, days, months, even years,where we choose not to love Him back with our words or with our actions.

One of the sweetest things I love about Jesus is the fact that He doesn't force Himself. He lets me choose Him. He wants to be a choice. I love that He who is all powerful and mighty draws me to Him not by His strength, but His gentleness. I'm rereading a book right now that blew my mind the first time I read it and is blowing my mind the second time too. As I was reading there was a part that I must have reread a dozen times and haven't stopped thinking about. The author (Wayne Jacobsen) is talking about how God loves us to His arms, rather than scares us to them. He writes: "With incredible patience and love, he coaxes us our of our fears to embrace him. He waits for that moment when suddenly we are safer in him than in any other place we could be. You may be timid at first, but turn toward him and abandon yourself to trust him in the smallest way you can. He understands how afraid you are that you'll be disappointed once again. But he's still there, patiently extending his hand to You. He will try to get closer, until you cower away in fear. Then he will back off so as not to add to your pain, hoping his gentleness will one day win you over"

When I read that, I have to stop to catch my breath. I can't read that without being flooded with emotion. Not only does He love me enough to reach out His hand to me and remain there until I take it, but He also loves me enough to back off so that I'm not forced to take His hand. Seriously, Holy Moly. I have been completely won over by His love.

I think it's easy to think that loving others always looks and sounds a certain way, but I'm realizing more and more that I know nothing. Often times, my love is a selfish kind of love "I think this is what's best for you, so I'm going to love you that way" or " I think you need to hear this so because I love you, I'm going to tell you this." But Jesus is reminding me that sometimes loving one another doesn't always look and sound how we expect it to. Sometimes loving one another is backing off so I don't add to someone else's pain. Sometimes loving one another is holding out your hand, even though no one might ever take it. Look at the story of the prodigal son. If I were that father, there would have been consequences not because I didn't love my son, but because I loved him and wanted him to choose better next time. I think that's the expected reaction, but the father in the story runs to Him while He is still on road and comes home to throw the biggest party of the year. His reaction was a completely unexpected expression of love, but it is undeniably loving. When the way I love only looks and sounds like the way I expect love to look and sound, I think love has been put in a box and in doing so, I've moved from loving selflessly to loving selfishly. I've moved from giving love even if I haven't received it to loving when love is received, which limits the power of love.

And why would I ever want to limit love? God is love.

Redeemed

Whenever I hear the word "redeemed my first thought is always the glass counter at the Chucky Cheese containing all the stickers, bouncy balls, and random odds n' ends you could hope for. After all, that is where you redeem that piece of paper the ticket counting machine printed out for you after swallowing all the tickets you won bumping those crocodiles on the head. It's where you upgrade from one piece of paper to six mood rings and a hello kitty pencil with an eraser, thank you very much. It's the highlight of your visit to the mouse with the moves.

While I haven't been to Chucky Cheese in quite some time,  I do hear the word "redeemed" a lot and I always find myself relating to that piece of paper the ticket counting machine prints out for you. Out of context, that paper doesn't have much value. It's easily torn, destroyed, or trashed. It has no worth, unless there is a redeemer on the other side of that counter ready to exchange it. It symbolizes all of your effort. It's a record of all the times you flipped that coin into the dinosaur's mouth. But that effort doesn't get you the prize, it gets you that piece of paper and no matter what the number on the paper says, it doesn't matter unless there is a redeemer of that paper on the other side of the counter.

My piece of paper might not be evidence of my human effort to make as many baskets as I can in 30 seconds, but my piece of paper is caked with times where I've missed the shot. It's a record of my sin and the times where I've trusted myself more than I've trusted my God. Times where I've boasted in my own strength, not realizing my weakness. Times where I've turned to things to satisfy desires, only to be left unsatisfied. Times where my effort just didn't measure up. Times where I was hoping my effort would get me the prize, forgetting that unless there is a Redeemer in the mix, I can try all I want but there's no redemption. Only a Redeemer can redeem.

But when you hand that piece of paper over the counter into the hands of the Redeemer, suddenly instead of holding a useless piece of paper, you've got that sticky gak that caught your eye the first 30 seconds you walked in and the best part is that when it's in your hands, it's even better than you imagined. It feels so much better than when you were holding onto that paper. And that paper you held on to so tight, is thrown out, forgotten, not given a second glance. All of this made possible by the fact that the ticket redeemer showed up to work and was there on the other side of the counter.

How thankful I am that the Redeemer of my life is always there. That He can take my tattered heart, my failures, my measly efforts and turn them into something better than I even imagined.  That He takes that worthless piece of paper willingly into His own hands. That my worth is not dependent on that paper, but on the fact that my Redeemer showed up. That I am not known by my sin because my Redeemer has thrown out the paper and in it's place given me the prize from the highest shelf. Oh, how thankful I am that my Redeemer lives.

The Valley of Baca

Because I have the dictionary.com app, I know that the definition of a valley is “an elongated depression between uplands, hills, or mountains” or “a low point or interval in any process, representation, or situation” or any of the other 6  definitions that my app gives, which I’ll summarize for you in saying, valleys are low places. I don’t know about you, but if it were up to me, I’d like to avoid any and all elongated depressions, but the reality is valleys are inevitable.

In Psalm 84, the Psalmist talks about a valley. Psalm 84 is about a group of people who are on a journey to Jerusalem to the tabernacle which held the Ark of the Covenant and the “manifest presence of God”. It was a place of worship and joy, but to get there, one had to pass through the Valley of Baca, or the Valley of Weeping. The Psalmist writes: ^“ Blessed (happy, fortunate, to be envied) is the man whose strength is in You, in whose heart are the highways to Zion. Passing through the Valley of Weeping (Baca), they make it a place of springs; the early rain also fills [the pools] with blessings. They go from strength to strength [increasing in victorious power]; each of them appears before God in Zion.”- Psalm 84: 5-7 AMP

Okay, so it doesn’t take much to make me giddy, but those verses are jam packed with way more than much and holy moly, giddiness ensues. As previously mentioned, valleys are low places usually laced with negative connotations. (Sidenote: It’s taking everything in me not to break out in the first verse of the song You Never Let Go.) When I’m walking through a valley, I feel at my weakest. I feel tired, defeated, and in no way do I want to exert the effort that it’s going to take to climb up out of the valley. But lucky for me, the Bible says that at my weakest, God is strong. “but He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong. (2 Corinthians 12:8-10). And Psalm 84 says that “blessed is the man who strength is in You”.

I’m no mathematician, but I think 2 Corinthians 12:8-10 + Psalm 84:5 = I’m blessed.

And if that wasn’t enough, the Psalmist isn’t finished yet, continuing with “Passing through the Valley of Weeping, they make it a place of springs; the early rain also fills the pools with blessing…” If you read that too fast, you might have just missed one of my favorite parts of the whole passage. PASSING THROUGH. ( Sidenote: I am now refraining from singing the bridge of You Never Let Go and simultaneously wanting to break out the chorus of “You make Oceans from the Rain”.) Valleys are for passing through. They may seem forever long and the temptation to give up might constantly be knocking at your door, but God promises that “….the nights of crying your eyes out, give way to days of laughter” (Psalm 30:5) and that there is a light that is coming for the heart that holds on (okay, so the bridge snuck out there a little bit).

But to stop there would be missing a very important part of how we are to pass through the valley, the verse continues with “they make it a place of springs”. Another translation says “make it a well”. How does one make a well? They dig. Digging is hard work and takes effort, but so does walking victoriously through a valley. I once heard someone say “it’s about praising when you dig and digging while you praise.” And well, doesn’t that quote just fit so appropriately right there? Seriously though, I think there’s more to this whole “make it a well” thing. Once you make the well, it’s kind of like a reminder of God’s goodness. Psalm 119:29-32 MSG says “barricade the road that goes nowhere; grace me with your clear revelation. I choose the true road to Somewhere, I post your road signs at every curve and corner. I grasp and cling to whatever you tell me; God, don’t let me down! I’ll run the course you lay out for me if You just show me how.”

When you’re walking through the valley, it sucks, but the wells you make in the valley are going to be the road signs that keep you on the right path. It is my assertion that the times I find myself the most lost in a valley are the times where I have forgotten to dig the wells, so when I look back for a reminder of the path I’m on or when I’m parched and looking for a drink, I find other things to satisfy my thirst, which leads me down the path to nowhere because unless it’s God filling the pools, I’m going to become thirsty again. (Sidenote: You know I just sang the line “Jesus, You’re the Cup that won’t run dry” from “Your presence is heaven to me”). Isaiah 41:17-18 MSG reads “The poor and needy search for water, but there is none. Their tongues are parched with thirst, but I, the Lord, will answer them. I, the God of Israel, will not forsake them. I will make rivers flow on barren heights, and springs within the valleys. I will turn the desert into pools of water and the parched grounds into springs.” If we make the wells, He will fill them. I can dig that. Pun intended.

And still, there’s more. Verse 7 of Psalm 84 says “They go from strength to strength [increasing in victorious power]; each of them appears before God in Zion.” Not only will God continue to fill the wells dug in the valley, breathing hope into the lowest places, but we will go from strength to strength until we get to our destination. The people the Psalm is written about had a final destination in mind. They wanted to get to Zion, and after walking through the valley and digging the wells, God brought them through it and to it. And now, ladies and gentleman, there’s no way I’m going to refrain from singing: “Hallelujah, You have won the victory. Hallelujah, You have won it all for me.” Because seriously, who is like our God?

God Does Not Waste Pain

Well, today is "Write It Wednesday" and I don't feel much like writing, which complicates the whole "write it" part. So, instead of writing something new, I'm going to post something I wrote during my undergrad program called "God Does Not Waste Pain". I hadn't read it, probably since I originally wrote it five years ago, but in the last two weeks, two different relatives brought it up in conversation and it made me curious to read it again. So I did and it's not the most well-written, but it was a reminder that I needed to hear: God Does Not Waste Pain.

In 1 Peter 1:6-9, Peter is talking to a group of Christians who are undergoing a season of suffering. Peter says “ In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer all grief in all kinds of trials. They have come so that your faith- of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire-may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory, and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed. Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy, for you are receiving the goal of your faith, the salvation of your souls.”

I never truly understood this scripture until five months ago when I received a phone call that changed my life. I was at the beach with a friend when I realized I had missed a call from my mom and she had left a voicemail. Thinking nothing of it, I listened to the voicemail. It wasn’t my mom, but rather a friend of the family. In the voicemail, she was clearly upset so I called my mom’s cell phone back immediately. This time, my mom answered crying and asked me to come home right away. At this point, I still had no idea what was going on so I asked my mom what had happened. She said to just come home, but because I am stubborn and didn’t think she should be allowed to cry on the phone to me and tell me to come home without telling me why, I persistently kept asking what had happened. Eventually she told me that there had been an accident. When I asked her what the accident was she finally told me that my brother had committed suicide. The moments following that are unclear. I just remember instantly breaking down and in a state of unbelief. I could not tell you how I made the drive home from the beach that day or what happened once I got home, but I can tell you that from the instance my mom hung up the phone, I was thrown into the biggest test of faith in my life.

I would be lying if I said that my initial reaction was to trust God or that I immediately understood that there was a reason for all of this to happen. And I would be lying still if I said I understood any of it today. But I do have the reassurance that God does not waste pain. Peter tells us that. He reminds us that suffering exists only for a little while in comparison to an eternal life of glory. He reminds us that suffering is necessary to refine our faith.

In verses 6 and 7 of the highlighted text, Peter says that it is necessary for us to have all kinds of trials for a little while so that our faith can be of greater worth than gold. So when we are struggling, because we all do, whether it is stress, death, depression, arguments, relationships, etc., we can be encouraged because Jesus is redefining our faith so that it will result in praise, glory, and honor when He is revealed! He is not wasting our pain, but rather using it to make our faith genuine. He is allowing our suffering to turn into praise.

The week after my brother’s death with the calling hour and funeral preparations seemed to last forever. However, in the midst of all this, it was impossible not to see God’s greatnesses. God was in every food plate my family received. He was in every person who took the time to visit, to call, to write. He was in every donation, every prayer. He was everywhere. It is easy to believe in God when everything is going right for you. But in a situation where nothing seems to be right, you find out if your faith is genuine or not and you grow in that faith. My heart was absolutely broken, but in the midst of my suffering I had to praise God for this incredible out pour of love my family was receiving. An outpour that could only be explained as demonstrations of God’s love. At my brother’s funeral, they sang Chris Tomlin’s song, “How Great is Our God.” And at first, I was mad at my mom for choosing that song. It was one of my favorites and I thought I would be sad every time I heard it from now on. But instead I find myself praising the God who gives and takes away every time the words come on the radio or the band starts playing it at church. Only a Great God could allow for us to smile in that kind of sadness. Only a Great God could allow us to grow in faith when all we think we can do is break. Only a Great God could refine our faith in our suffering.        

We all have struggled whether it is personally, financially, emotionally, or physically. We have all been there and I am sure we can all agree that in the struggle is not a place we truly enjoy being. But Peter tells us to not lose faith, but rather realize that God is refining our faith in the struggle. He is making us into the person He wants us to be. He is not wasting our pain.

In the book, Why?, by Anne Graham Lotz, she talks about the difference between a turkey and an eagle and how they react to storms. She says “I understand that a turkey and an eagle react differently to the threat of a storm. A turkey reacts by running under the barn, hoping the storm won’t come near. On the other hand, an eagle leaves the security of its nest and spreads its wings to ride the air currents of the approaching storm, knowing they will carry it higher in the sky than it could soar on its own. Based on your reaction to the storms of life, which are you? A turkey or an eagle?” 

And I pose a similar question: Do we want to be turkeys who only see the pain in our suffering or do we want to be the eagles trusting that God is molding us more into the person we are supposed to be in our suffering?”