1. It is a completely different major than what I studied in my undergraduate program. I have a bachelor's degree in elementary and special education, grades 1-6 and I am a NYS certified teacher, but I am leaving all credentials aside to study something different and I am excited about it. I knew I didn't want to teach a year before I graduated with the degree, but convinced myself that it was worth trying because of all the work I had put in. I substitute taught for a year and this further confirmed that teaching was not something I wanted to do for a full-time job. But I am thankful for the education I have on education because it very much relates to what I want to do with my next degree.
2. I have to leave my current job. For the past year, I have had the privelege to work with some great kids at Mary Cariola's Children Center, which is a school for children with special needs. I am pretty sure that I was put in the perfect room for me and am thankful that this is both the first and last class I will work in there, because I'm not sure I would ever like any other class as much. The kids are just amazing and have taught me so much. The biggest lesson learned has been that it's possible to communicate all day without using a voice and to be alert to listen for that kind of communication. ( You can check out how our class hatched ducks on our classroom blog here: http://www.justduckyroom3.blogspot.com/ . ) Leaving work is a big decision because I have loan payments and other expenses that will still need to be paid with no income coming in. I am hoping to work out my class schedule and internship so that it is possible for me to work a job part-time somewhere. I'll know this Thursday how realistic that is after a meeting at Roberts (which is where I am going for grad school).
3. My bank account is nearly empty. This also has to do with why leaving my job is such a big decision. In the last month, there have been a lot of unexpected necessary expenses. I never get sick, but I found myself in urgent care with an ear infection in my ear canal needing antiobiotics that my insurance did not cover. I had to put down a nice deposit for my position in the grad program and this week have to pay to take a CLEP exam for the sociology credits that I don't have that are prerequistes to the grad program. I also unexpectantly had to get a new cell-phone. I don't mention all of this to complain, just to emphasize that my bank account really is nearly empty, as these expenses were not in my budget. If I follow my budget as planned, at the end of the month, I will have less than $200 in my account as I go into my last month of work.
Going back to school was a big decision for me to make, is a big decision for me to make. While there are days where all of these factors make me want to run in the other direction, I am certain that this is what God wants me do at this time in my life. While my own reasoning shouts that this is unrealistic and silly, the words in Isa. 55:8-9 remind me that God's plan for my life is better than any plan I could think of on my own.
Isa. 55:8-9 " For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord.
For as the heavens are higher than the earth,
so are my ways higher than your ways
and my thoughts than your thoughts."
While there are moments of anxiety sprinkled in with this decision, they are outnumbered by the moments of excitement. I am excited to study social work and to work towards a degree that I want to use. I am excited to trust God to show up and work things out for me. I know that the dimmer my situtation looks, the more opportunity there is for Him to work. I am excited for the opportunities this decision is going to create and I am excited for the future- as a child trusting in her loving Father, as a student, and eventually as a person with a social work degree. :)
