My Next Chapter

I am about to embark on a new chapter of my life- a chapter that is going to be a test of my faith and what I believe. I am going back to school in the fall to pursue my master's degree in social work full time. This is a big decision for several reasons:

1. It is a completely different major than what I studied in my undergraduate program. I have a bachelor's degree in elementary and special education, grades 1-6 and I am a NYS certified teacher, but I am leaving all credentials aside to study something different and I am excited about it. I knew I didn't want to teach a year before I graduated with the degree, but convinced myself that it was worth trying because of all the work I had put in. I substitute taught for a year and this further confirmed that teaching was not something I wanted to do for a full-time job. But I am thankful for the education I have on education because it very much relates to what I want to do with my next degree.

2. I have to leave my current job. For the past year, I have had the privelege to work with some great kids at Mary Cariola's Children Center, which is a school for children with special needs. I am pretty sure that I was put in the perfect room for me and am thankful that this is both the first and last class I will work in there, because I'm not sure I would ever like any other class as much. The kids are just amazing and have taught me so much. The biggest lesson learned has been that it's possible to communicate all day without using a voice and to be alert to listen for that kind of communication. ( You can check out how our class hatched ducks on our classroom blog here: http://www.justduckyroom3.blogspot.com/ . ) Leaving work is a big decision because I have loan payments and other expenses that will still need to be paid with no income coming in. I am hoping to work out my class schedule and internship so that it is possible for me to work a job part-time somewhere. I'll know this Thursday how realistic that is after a meeting at Roberts (which is where I am going for grad school).

3. My bank account is nearly empty. This also has to do with why leaving my job is such a big decision. In the last month, there have been a lot of unexpected necessary expenses. I never get sick, but I found myself in urgent care with an ear infection in my ear canal needing antiobiotics that my insurance did not cover. I had to put down a nice deposit for my position in the grad program and this week have to pay to take a CLEP exam for the sociology credits that I don't have that are prerequistes to the grad program. I also unexpectantly had to get a new cell-phone. I don't mention all of this to complain, just to emphasize that my bank account really is nearly empty, as these expenses were not in my budget. If I follow my budget as planned, at the end of the month, I will have less than $200 in my account as I go into my last month of work.

Going back to school was a big decision for me to make, is a big decision for me to make. While there are days where all of these factors make me want to run in the other direction, I am certain that this is what God wants me do at this time in my life. While my own reasoning shouts that this is unrealistic and silly, the words in Isa. 55:8-9 remind me that God's plan for my life is better than any plan I could think of on my own.

Isa. 55:8-9 " For my thoughts are not your thoughts,

neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord.

For as the heavens are higher than the earth,

so are my ways higher than your ways

and my thoughts than your thoughts."

While there are moments of anxiety sprinkled in with this decision, they are outnumbered by the moments of excitement. I am excited to study social work and to work towards a degree that I want to use. I am excited to trust God to show up and work things out for me. I know that the dimmer my situtation looks, the more opportunity there is for Him to work. I am excited for the opportunities this decision is going to create and I am excited for the future- as a child trusting in her loving Father, as a student, and eventually as a person with a social work degree. :)

my best friend

Today I feel like bragging. I wish I could think of a better word than bragging, but since it is essentially what I will be doing, the word itself will suffice. Words, however, will fail me as I attempt the action because I am quite certain that I am not word-savvy enough or poetically equipped to properly brag about my best friend, but one can try.

I am undeniably, incredibly proud of my best friend. The reasons for this are unlimited, but for the sake of writing a blog and not a book, I will limit myself to one particular area of her life, her job. She is a teacher. A wonderful teacher. Her teaching ideas and commitment to children alone make her great and make me proud, but what makes me proudest regarding her job is who she is when she is there. Daily, I hear stories and occurrences that happen in her school. Sometimes, they make me laugh at the candidness of children. Sometimes, it breaks my heart at what some of those children endure. Sometimes, they frustrate me because of the lack of professionalism. But always, they make me proud of my best friend. My best friend loves on those children. Even if she couldn't teach the material, I sincerely believe she would be changing them. I hear how she loves those children in the way she talks about them- always with respect and compassion. When I hear a story about a little boy or girl who doesn't receive love at home, I am so thankful that they are one of her students because I know that that child will not walk away without knowing how it feels to be loved. I am so proud of my best friend.

A couple weekends ago, at church, the man speaking told three stories he remembered from school. None of those stories reflected positive recollections of teachers. I found it sad that he had such experiences while in school, due to what his teachers did and said, but at the same time, I was proud because sitting next to me was my best friend and she is a loving, compassionate teacher. And when the time comes for her students to recall their childhood education, they will find nothing bad to say about the teacher who loved them.

I mentioned earlier that I was limiting this blog to just one reason that I am proud of my best friend in an effort to reduce the length, but find even in writing about this one reason, I am having to limit myself because there are so many reasons to be proud within the one. I also mentioned that words would probably fail me as I wrote. Reading back what I have now written, I can honestly say that my words have failed miserably. All I know is that my best friend is changing lives with her love and I am proud of her. I'm pretty sure Jesus is too. :)

Week 3: Shi Weihan was sentenced to three years in prison for printing Bibles to give away. Pray God's Word spreads.

Heart's Desires

It's ackward starting a blog. The first blog is the first impression- it ultimately determines if people will come back to read your blog, or even continue reading the first post at all. It's ackward because who am I that you should read what I write. I'm not an award winning author and I don't have a plethora of inspirtational quotes stored up to share. Instead, I spell things wrong and use grammar incorrectly, more often than not. I'm not sure if you will ever get anything out of what is written or why you should even read the next few lines. I don't know those answers. All I can tell you is why this blog exists.

It exists simply because I lost sleep over it last night. For someone who has never really desired to write a blog, losing sleep over the idea of one seems pretty ridicioulous. Trust me, I felt ridicioulous. I hate sharing my feelings and would much rather always be on the listening end in a conversation so the intent of this blog is not to tell you my day play-by-play, although sometimes that may sneak in. It's to address a few desires of my heart: 1- Writing. I like to write, even if I'm not good at it. I love to read what people write, especially if they are good at it. There's just something about writing and how each word is intentional and serves a purpose that is so profound, at least to me. 2- I have an undying love for the people of this world who are forgotten, lonely, and in need. So many ideas come in and out of my head on how to be a remedy, even if only for a second, to these people that often times the idea is never thought twice. I want to think twice about those things so forgive me if this is ever a place where all I am doing is sorting out my thoughts on these matters. To me, that is a really important "doing". 3- There are several organizations that I believe in with my whole heart. Financially, I can't always offer monetary gifts to these organizations, but I try to stay updated with what they are doing and give what I can, when I can. As I mentioned before, I believe in these organizations and will probably as times use this blog as an opportuitunity to share what the organization does and ways that you can get involved.

So that's why this blog exists. Even if no one ever reads what it written, I'll be content because I'm addressing some of my heart's desires. :)