Dear Friends...

Lately, as I've been reading, it seems the things that are sticking out most to me are in regards to relationships. As previously mentioned, I'm convinced that I have the best friends and family this crazy world has to offer and when I recognize the fact that God customized my world with them in it, it knocks my argyle socks right off. In recognizing that they are gifts determined just for me from the Giver of all gifts, I cherish them all the more. However, so often I fail at telling them. This is my attempt.

When I think about moments in my life where I've felt the most loved, the saying "the people who matter most to us are those who show up in our lives" can be applied to almost every situation. Showing up can mean an array of things. By choosing to show up, however that may look, from being physically present or whispering a prayer miles away, in that moment, you're choosing someone else over yourself. You're saying, in your showing up, "hey, your worth my time." I never want to miss the opportunity to let someone know that. Dear friends, you are so worth my time.

When I think about moments in my life where I've felt the most broken, I can point to people who have been willing to show up and in their showing up, they were putting me back together. I think about the friends who knew that there was a crying me on the other end of the phone, but picked up anyway. I think about the friends who have come out to their porch after dark to give me a hug, no questions asked. I think about the friends who have just sat with me in silence instead of forcing a conversation. I think about the friends who have prayed for me and with me. I think about the friends who have been with me in awkward situations and remained themselves. Friends who tell a joke, when most wouldn't. Friends who just listen, even in my crazy, irrational rants. Friends who call me out. Friends who do not compromise in speaking truth. (Sidenote: My friends are better than yours. Hands down.) In all of those scenarios, there is a common theme. I was met with a heart that loved me and in that moment, was committed to me, "a heart full of hope for" me. Dear friends, my heart is full of hope for you.

When I think about moments in my life where the most laughter has ensued, it has been the moments where spontaneity was the most possible. Where there has been freedom to just be. When "you are free to love without an agenda". When there is expectancy without expectation.

"If you and I are friends, there is an expectancy that exists within our friendship. When we see each other or are apart, there is expectancy of being together, of laughing and talking. That expectancy has no concrete definition; it is alive and dynamic and everything that emerges from our being together is a unique gift shared by no one else. But what happens if I change that ‘expectancy’ to an ‘expectation’ -- spoken or unspoken? Suddenly, law has entered into our relationship. You are now expected to perform in a way that meets my expectations. Our living friendship rapidly deteriorates into a dead thing with rules and requirements. It is no longer about you and me, but about what friends are supposed to do, or responsibilities of a good friend" (The Shack)

This notion that love does not force itself has been replaying over and over in my mind. Friendship that is forced is not really friendship because the beauty of friendship is that it's a choice. You can choose whether or not someone is your friend, that's what makes it so special. You're someones friend because they choose you. Dear friends, oh how, I choose you.

When I think about those whom I love the greatest and whom have loved me the greatest, I think about those who I know the most and whom I have allowed to know me the most."So many believe that it is love that grows, but it is the knowing that grows and love simply expands to contain it. Love is just the skin of knowing" It's the people who have seen me at my worst and in those moments have never ceased to love me like I was at my best. It's the people who know that even though I might say this, I mean that. It's the people who know all of silly quirks and insecurities, but love me anyway. It's the people who know me and stay. Dear friends, I love knowing you.

Dear friends, dear friends, dear friends....

Rwanda

Dear Family and Friends,                    

      

Hello! I hope this letter finds you and your family well. I’m writing to share with you the awesome opportunity that I have been given this summer.

I’ve been chosen to serve on a short-term mission team to Rwanda. We will be working with All God’s Children International, an international adoption and orphan care ministry.

When: August 3^rd, 2012- August 13^th, 2012

Where: Rwanda

Cost: Approximately $3000 per team member. This covers transportation, food, and materials. Each team member is responsible for raising 100% of their financial and prayer support. I need to turn in my payment by the end of June.

Purpose: The objectives of our trip are still being worked out, but we will be working with several orphanages in Rwanda. Our team leader is currently working with the people in Rwanda to see where their greatest needs are so that we can help out in those areas.

I am so excited about this mission. Ever since I had the opportunity to go to Rwanda in 2008, I have wanted to go back to the beautiful country and am so thankful that the opportunity to do so has come up. Will you please consider sharing this opportunity with me as the Lord leads you to pray and/or give?

To give, please mail cash or check to : Joelle Truax, P.O. Box 393, Byron, NY 14422.

Thank you so much for your consideration,

Joelle         

"I'll punch him for you"

If you don't yet know it, I'm going to let you in on a little secret, my friends are better than yours. It's not up for debate and frankly, even if it were, you would lose. I have incredible friends and some of those friends come with incredible built-in friends, also known as their kids. And today, I had the privilege of hanging out with two of my favorites.


We went to the park for a picnic, played on the playground, walked some trails, and then headed out to Mickey D's for some ice cream (or cookies) and more play time on the playground there.


As I was watching them play on the playground, I heard this from the very top of the slide:

Sissy: "Christian, did that boy just call you a name?"
(I couldn't see or hear what Christian said, but I did hear Sissy's response to whatever he did.)
Sissy: "Cause if he called you a name, I'll punch him for you"

No punching actually went down, but as I retold this story multiple times today, I was reminded that Jesus, like Sissy, is willing to throw some punches for us if we ask Him to. He's already won the fight, but if someone is calling us names, He's quick to remind us that He is on our side and if we ask Him to, He's ready to throw some power punches.

He's asking "Is that temptation pulling too hard?", "Is anxiety stealing your peace?", "Are those lies defining you?" And He's following it by "In this world you may have trouble. but take heart- I have overcome the world" (John 16:33). He's saying that He's already won the fight.

I love that. I love that I am on the winning side and that what is over my head is underneath His feet, but so often, when I'm in a "battle", I don't remember that He's right there waiting for me to call His name. So instead of asking the King of Kings to step in, I start swinging punches all by myself.

And let me tell you, I punch like a girl in these types of fights and as a result, I do a whole lot of losing. But I'm learning that if I would just stop my "punching" and trust that not only is God on my side, but He is fighting for me and He never fails, then I realize that even when I, in my own punching, lose a "battle", my God has won the war. And even if I am knocked to the ground thousands of times, and there's hardly any fight left in me, nothing can change the fact. After all, "The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still." (Exodus 14:14) I am so thankful for a God who is willing to fight for me. I am so thankful for a God who is able. I am so thankful.

"When stormy seas are way to hard for me to handle, and at times when I'm losing faith, You told me all I have to do is call on Your name, You're fighting every wave."

Untitled

Being authentic in one's vulnerability, in my opinion, is hands down the most relatable and relevant way of being. Again, in my opinion, it's also the hardest way to be because it requires you to admit your weaknesses, your struggles, your ups and your downs. It requires that you allow others to see the mess you really are because after all, we are all a mess. It's not easy to be authentic, but gosh, it is so admirable.

I have been crazy blessed with a handful of people in my life who are the definition of authentic. I've been reading a lot about authenticity in leadership and what that looks like and every time I get to a paragraph or sentence that is saturated with the beauty of what authentic living is, I can think of examples, which makes me the definition of lucky.

Vulnerability does not come natural to me, although I'm not sure it comes natural to anyone. I'm awkward as it is, and when there's moments where I'm attempting to let someone in, my awkwardness is magnified to the 10th power. I don't make eye contact, my voice turns into just above a whisper, I stammer through my words, and usually can never quite get to what I actually want to say, so I text it to the person after the fact (and for all of those who know me, you know how true that is). The uncanny part of all of this is I would love to just be able to "say what I need to say" (if you just felt the need to sing John Mayer, I totally understand), but like I said vulnerability is hard.

However, the times where I have actually been able to get a sentence or two out in my attempts at vulnerability, I am met with authenticity and when vulnerability meets authenticity, the interaction becomes life-giving. No one says "I'm struggling with this..." and wants to hear text book answers. At least, I don't think anyone does. People want to be listened to. People aren't always looking for all the right answers, but rather someone who will say I don't know the answer, but I'm on you're side and I'll walk with you while you find them. People want to know they aren't alone. They want to be affirmed that they aren't crazy and that others have been through similar experiences. People want people who are authentic and willing to be honest in their vulnerability with them. (Disclaimer: I don't really know what people want so I probably should have just used "I", but that would put the attention on me and you know how I am with that whole being vulnerable thing...;) ).

As I mentioned earlier, I've been reading a lot about authenticity and vulnerability and Henri Nouwen in one of his books says "I have found that they very feeling which has seemed to me most private, most personal and hence most incomprehensible by others, has turned out to be an expression for which there is resonance in many other people. It has led me to believe that what is more personal and unique in each one of us is probably the very element which would, if it were shared or expressed, speak most deeply to others." In moments where I've butchered vulnerability, I've been met with people who were willing to speak deeply to me, who were willing to share stories of brokenness with me, who were willing to lay down doubts of what I might think of their sharing but to share anyway, who were absolutely selfless with their sharing, and who exemplified the statement that "in our woundedness, we can become a source of life for others". Remember when I said that I am the definition of lucky? Case in point.

I think the beauty of vulnerability meeting authenticity is the fact that "hope rises in your heart when you share your pain with each other" (Lisa Gungor). It's being honest with the fact that things aren't always perfect, but there's hope and part of that hope is that you're not alone. Personally, I feel as though when I open the door to invite people into my struggles with me, it's also the beginning of finding the door out of the struggle. If someone else knows and stays, to me, that's hope. Again my boy Nouwen says "who can take away suffering without entering in?"

I love that line because it's describing exactly what Jesus did for us. He entered into suffering so that He could take it away. What a depiciton of selfless love. What a Savior. What an example. I am so thankful that Jesus was, is, and is yet to come. I am so thankful that I know people who have surrendered their lives to this Jesus and who walk out His love. "Jesus is in the middle of the suffering. He's in the middle of the pain and somehow His face is seen when we help each other and share that with each other".

I'm so thankful that I know people who are willing to be vulnerable and authentic and who when I'm in a struggle, somehow help me see His face and become more aware of His presence. It's moments like that among many other moments that make lines like "Your presence is heaven to me" so meaningful. Because when there are moments that point to His presence or help to see His face in the middle of a storm..that's better than a cold drink of water on a super hot day...AND.. Jesus is the cup that won't run dry. Gracious.

Sunshine When You're Feeling Cloudy

One thing to know about me is I have a borderline unhealthy obsession with music. In fact, I've put myself on an Itunes ban for the next couple months unless I am willing to get another job to support my addiction. The ban started on Monday and I already have a list of over 20 songs/artists to check out. Withdrawal symptoms have begun. Okay, not really, but almost.

This may make me a dork, and if not, don't worry there are a lot of other things that do, but I have three different types of playlists I listen to: "Love Letters to Jesus", "Party in Your Heart" and "Sunshine when You're Feeling Cloudy". And because I've been called a bragger, I'm going to capitalize on this moment and say that I listen to exceptionally good music. You can debate me on it, but I will probably cry, so it's better not to.

Anyways, the playlist-style that has been on repeat for the last couple of weeks has been..you guessed it..sunshine when you're feeling cloudy (hence the title of this blog post). Now, I would say that the songs on this playlist are not what I would call "sunshiney" songs or songs that are happy-go-lucky. I think they are songs that acknowledge that cloudy days happen, songs that speak to the cloudiest of moments, songs that recognize that storms come, but in the midst of those things, songs that remind me that Jesus is with me even in the darkest moments. And that my friends is sunshine.

They are songs that remind me that the more hopeless a situation looks, the more opportunity there is for the King of Glory to have His glory. For me, that is the definition of hope. The fact that the more hopeless I am, the more helpless I am, the more in need I am also means that there is more opportunity for God to show up in the way that only He can leaves me speechless. Sometimes I am terrible at remembering this reality when I am feeling cloudy. Actually, I am almost always terrible at remembering this in those moments. I guess it's not so much a remembering problem, it's more of a recalling problem. I haven't forgotten that God is constant or that He is faithful and trustworthy. I haven't forgotten that He is with me and He has gone before me. I just fail to recall it because I'm too busy looking at the clouds.

But when I turn on these songs that acknowledge that there is a God who is fighting off every wave or remind me that He is already all I need, I start to see the light trying to sneak through the clouds. It might be one ray of light and I might have to squint to see it, but holy moly, you better believe that the most beautiful sun-filled sky you've ever seen is connected to that one ray of light and it's coming. It is coming!! (and this is when I then turn to the Party in the Heart Playlist because my heart cannot contain that kind of expectation)

"Yes I can see the light that is coming for the heart that holds on. There will be an end to these troubles, but until that day comes, still I will praise You. Still I will praise You."