1 John 2:17

I love to read and learn from what I am reading. Many times, I find myself reading multiple books and trying to retain countless new information, only to forget about all the lovely things I learned weeks later. I take notes, I read books again, and I journal, but still I always forget something that I wanted to remember. I am especially terrible at this when the books are divided up into selections of reading for each day. The current book I am reading is such a book. I've taken notes, I've read parts again, and I've journaled, but I am only on day 4 and have forgotten days 1 through 3 already. I want to change that. I don't want to read a book, love what it says and then forget about it. I want to let it influence my life.

The chapter I read about today was centered around this verse: "This world is fading away, along with everything it craves. But if you do the will of God, you will live forever"- 1 John 2:17. It talked about how when you live with eternity in mind, values are changed because you realize that materialistic things don't matter as much anymore. I'd like to think that materialistic things don't matter much to me, but more often than not, they do. I loose sight of the fact that the things I crave are only worldly things and will fade away. It's a realization that I am probably going to have to keep coming back to. I don't think owning or having materialistic things is wrong. In fact, in some situations, I find it necessary. It is a problem though when our possessions are where we find our worth and when what we have gets in the way of God's will.

I think that I will be learning this for the rest of my life, especially because we live in a materialistic world, but I'm happy to have thought about it today. As I mentioned earlier, even though, I underline, journal, and reread, I forget the things that I have read. I think I learn best by doing so today I logged onto http://www.worldvision.org/, looked through their gift catalog, and donated to a child's education. I don't have much to give, but the money I did probably would have been spent on something that I didn't really need without a second thought. I could have bought a new pair of jeans or a DVD with that money, but those things wear out and fade away. There will probably be many times in my life, where I do choose the materialistic thing even though I don't really need it at the time, but today, this is my choice and I have to say knowing somewhere that a little kid is now getting to go to school completely trumps watching a DVD a couple times.


week 6: House church members risk arrest and imprisionment by Chinese officials every time they meet. Pray for God's protections

"And Grace Will Lead Me Home"

Months and months ago, while listening to the radio, I heard the song I'm Not Who I Was by Brandon Heath and surprisingly, a line from the song has stuck with me. I say surprisingly because it was not a song that I was excited about. I didn't run out and purchase it on itunes and I didn't constantly wish for it to be played again on the radio. It was just a regular song to me, bordering on a song that I might switch to another station if it did come on. I just didn't love it, but now, months and months have passed and that line continues to reside in my mind. The line is " the thing I find most amazing of amazing grace is the chance to give out, maybe that's what love is all about." I don't love the song, but I love that line.

I'm reading the book What's so amazing about Grace? by Phillip Yancey. While I haven't finished yet, it has been on my list of books to buy since chapter one. It's a book that once I finish it, I know I am going to want to turn back to page 1 and read it all over again. It's a book that takes your breath away because you are so overwhelmed by the reminder of God's grace and the beauty within it. It truly is amazing grace. While reading this book, however, I have realized how often I do not act with such grace. I like to think I'm a fairly nice girl and that I am generally kind to others, but within the pages of this book, I often identify with those who act in ungrace. I will admit that I have rationialized my actions of ungrace at times and felt totally justified after. I seem to forget at times that I myself am a sinner saved by an amazing grace. A grace that I can not put into words and that makes me cry when I take time to really consider it. A grace that loves me unconditionally and has no measure or bounds. I know that grace and the thing that's so amazing about it is the chance to give it out.

I mentioned that I haven't finished reading the book by Yancey yet, but along the way, I have taken a few notes and/or written down quotes that stuck out to me. Many of which I have heard before and just needed the reminder and others that I heard for the first time. All of which, however, have challenged me to act in grace, rather than ungrace. To share a few:

• "I know that I came face to face with God's love at my worst, not my best, and that amazing grace saved a wretch like me."


• Jesus gained the reputations as a lover of sinners, a reputation that His followers are in danger of losing today.


• Grace dies when it becomes "us" versus "them".


• We are to hate the sin, but love the sinner


• God is a God of love and not hate, of freedom and not rules, of grace and not judgement.

I have been touched by the grace of God and have stood changed as a result. I don't want to be quick to forget that. I don't want to be like the unmerciful servant whose own large debt was cancelled, but he still felt entitled to the debt owed to him (Matthew 18:21-35). I want to be a giver of the kind of grace that was so freely given to me.

Knowing my humanity, there will be moments where I will act with more ungrace than grace. And I pray that when those moments come, that I can humble myself enough to ask for forgiveness- an act of grace in itself.

Week 5: The Eritrean government imprisons Christians in metal containers, denying them food and medical care. Pray for their health.

Amazing Love

I have been learning a lot about love and grace in the past few months, specifically God's love and grace. And it seems, as I learn, I discover how little I ever knew. The more I learn about God's love and grace, the more convinced I am, that there will always be more to learn and experience. I can never understand the depth of God's love because it is not limited by dimensions, nor can I understand the magnitude of His grace. I'm just simply granted both.

If I'm being honest, the paragraph I just wrote challenges the part of me that wants to be logical. I don't deserve to be loved like that. I haven't earned it. And the craziest part is I don't have to. I am loved simply because. There is no reason for it. I can't earn it and I will never deserve it, but I will always have it. His love and grace is so overwhelming that every time I start a new sentence, I backspace every letter typed, because there are no words that can succeed in describing the reality of knowing His love and His grace.

I had the opportunity to go to Rwanda, Africa two summers ago. I went with a missions team for the college I attended for three weeks. I have so many distinct memories and mental pictures from the trip, but what I remember most is how the Rwandan people we met loved. We walked into the local high school to a classroom of students who had never seen us before us and knew nothing about us and walked out on the first day with notes, written in their best English and handwriting, that said I love you. We went to churches where they did not have enough money to finish the walls, but they gave us everything they had to eat. We went into the poorest village in the area we stayed, where families and livestock lived together in one small room, and they gave us everything they could give- a bench to sit on and a beautiful dance. Occasionally, I still receive an email from a student I met that always begins with I love you. The people loved us without knowing anything about us. We weren't there long enough to learn everyone's names and we spoke entirely different languages, but they loved us with no reservations. They loved us simply because. We weren't deserving of their love, but they freely gave it to us. It's amazing that our Father loves us the same way, but in an even bigger way.



I have been terrible at consistently writing week after week, therefore, a consistent 14 weeks of prayer has not occurred, but 14 weeks is 14 weeks no matter the days in between. :)Week 4: Colombian guerrillas shot Marcella, Lydia, and Jeffrey's parents because they shared Jesus with others. Pray for their safety.

my best friend

Today I feel like bragging. I wish I could think of a better word than bragging, but since it is essentially what I will be doing, the word itself will suffice. Words, however, will fail me as I attempt the action because I am quite certain that I am not word-savvy enough or poetically equipped to properly brag about my best friend, but one can try.

I am undeniably, incredibly proud of my best friend. The reasons for this are unlimited, but for the sake of writing a blog and not a book, I will limit myself to one particular area of her life, her job. She is a teacher. A wonderful teacher. Her teaching ideas and commitment to children alone make her great and make me proud, but what makes me proudest regarding her job is who she is when she is there. Daily, I hear stories and occurrences that happen in her school. Sometimes, they make me laugh at the candidness of children. Sometimes, it breaks my heart at what some of those children endure. Sometimes, they frustrate me because of the lack of professionalism. But always, they make me proud of my best friend. My best friend loves on those children. Even if she couldn't teach the material, I sincerely believe she would be changing them. I hear how she loves those children in the way she talks about them- always with respect and compassion. When I hear a story about a little boy or girl who doesn't receive love at home, I am so thankful that they are one of her students because I know that that child will not walk away without knowing how it feels to be loved. I am so proud of my best friend.

A couple weekends ago, at church, the man speaking told three stories he remembered from school. None of those stories reflected positive recollections of teachers. I found it sad that he had such experiences while in school, due to what his teachers did and said, but at the same time, I was proud because sitting next to me was my best friend and she is a loving, compassionate teacher. And when the time comes for her students to recall their childhood education, they will find nothing bad to say about the teacher who loved them.

I mentioned earlier that I was limiting this blog to just one reason that I am proud of my best friend in an effort to reduce the length, but find even in writing about this one reason, I am having to limit myself because there are so many reasons to be proud within the one. I also mentioned that words would probably fail me as I wrote. Reading back what I have now written, I can honestly say that my words have failed miserably. All I know is that my best friend is changing lives with her love and I am proud of her. I'm pretty sure Jesus is too. :)

Week 3: Shi Weihan was sentenced to three years in prison for printing Bibles to give away. Pray God's Word spreads.

Compassion

This past summer I read the book The Wounded Healer by Henri Nouwen. I will admit that I do not remember what the majority of the book was about. I'm not sure I could even state the main point. All I remember from my reading is one paragraph dealing with compassion. This paragraph made me stop and think while I was reading. This paragraph makes me stop and think daily, months after I have even returned the book. I like to think that I understand what compassion is. I even like to think that I understand what it means to act with compassion, but in reading this paragraph, I realize how skewed and how far off my definition of compassion is.

"Through compassion, it is possible to recognize that the craving for love that men feel resides also in our own hearts, that the cruelty that the world knows all too well is also rooted in our own impulses. Through compassion, we also sense our hope for forgiveness in our friend's eyes and our hatred in their bitter mouths. When they kill, we know we could have done it. When they give life, we know that we can do the same. For a compassionate man, nothing human is alien: no joy, no sorrow, no way of living, and no way of dying."-Nouwen

It's hard for me to comprehend and live out that kind of compassion. I think often times, I get stuck thinking, "What kind of person would do or say that..", when the truth is apart from Jesus, I am just as capable of those offenses. I am just as capable to steal, lie, cheat, and even murder as those who do, but how lucky I am to know Jesus and His peace so that I do not. I think compassion is realizing that "nothing human is alien" and responding in that realization.

Week 2: Muslim extremists attacked Christian families, burned 50 homes and killed livestock in Pakistan. Pray families find peace. I'd also like to add pray for the extremists to know the love of Christ and turn their lives over to Him.

We Speak for Nations..

Too often I take what I have for granted. This is not a new thought, but rather a reoccurring realization. I'd like to say I woke up this morning thankful for the bed that I slept on or the roof over my head, but those thoughts didn't cross my mind. I am thankful for both, but I expect them both and consequently take both for granted. It frustrates me that I regard such things as expectations. What makes me so special that I expect a bed while millions of others go to sleep at night in the streets? Too often I take what I have for granted. What drives me the craziest about that statement is the fact that I know it. I look around the room right now and it blows me away how blessed I am. Today, I am acknowledging that I take things for granted and I am thankful for what I have been given, but what about tomorrow? I said that this was a reoccurring realization. I did not, however, specify how often that realization reoccurs, probably because I'm embarrassed to admit how little I realize it. I am too consumed with what I don't have to realize what I do. Does it really matter the size of my bed or the quality of my mattress, when the fact of the matter is, I have one?

Unfortunately, I don't just take materalistic things for granted. I neglect to appreciate my faith and the freedom I have to express it. I receive a magizine in the mail called the Voice of the Martyrs. The magizine talks about the millions of Christians who are persecuted for their faith. It's not name-calling persecution these people are faced with, it's life or death. People in these nations are beaten, thrown into jail, and have their homes raided simply for owning a Bible. I read the stories and am amazed by their testimonies. I think if I were in their shoes, I would fear being a Chrisitan, but all they mention is their hope and determination to share the love of Christ. It boggles my mind and frustrates me to no end to know that I take that freedom for granted. People are dying over a freedom that I don't take time to consider.

About a month ago, I recieved a flyer in the mail that said who will you pray for today? On the back it had 14 days of prayer. Each day there was something to pray about for those in persecuted nations. I decided today to stop taking that freedom for granted and to thank my God for that freedom and pray for those who don't have it. I believe that Jesus is the only hope for every nation and I believe He hears His peoples prayers.

I don't know if anyone is reading this, but if you are I really hope that you join me in these prayers. I've decided to do 14 weeks of prayer instead of 14 days because I want to learn more about each Nation and really commit sometime to praying for their needs. I want to stop taking things for granted.

Week 1 prayer: Ruth is a widow whose husband was killed in a religious riot in Nigeria. Pray for Nigerian widows.

Heart's Desires

It's ackward starting a blog. The first blog is the first impression- it ultimately determines if people will come back to read your blog, or even continue reading the first post at all. It's ackward because who am I that you should read what I write. I'm not an award winning author and I don't have a plethora of inspirtational quotes stored up to share. Instead, I spell things wrong and use grammar incorrectly, more often than not. I'm not sure if you will ever get anything out of what is written or why you should even read the next few lines. I don't know those answers. All I can tell you is why this blog exists.

It exists simply because I lost sleep over it last night. For someone who has never really desired to write a blog, losing sleep over the idea of one seems pretty ridicioulous. Trust me, I felt ridicioulous. I hate sharing my feelings and would much rather always be on the listening end in a conversation so the intent of this blog is not to tell you my day play-by-play, although sometimes that may sneak in. It's to address a few desires of my heart: 1- Writing. I like to write, even if I'm not good at it. I love to read what people write, especially if they are good at it. There's just something about writing and how each word is intentional and serves a purpose that is so profound, at least to me. 2- I have an undying love for the people of this world who are forgotten, lonely, and in need. So many ideas come in and out of my head on how to be a remedy, even if only for a second, to these people that often times the idea is never thought twice. I want to think twice about those things so forgive me if this is ever a place where all I am doing is sorting out my thoughts on these matters. To me, that is a really important "doing". 3- There are several organizations that I believe in with my whole heart. Financially, I can't always offer monetary gifts to these organizations, but I try to stay updated with what they are doing and give what I can, when I can. As I mentioned before, I believe in these organizations and will probably as times use this blog as an opportuitunity to share what the organization does and ways that you can get involved.

So that's why this blog exists. Even if no one ever reads what it written, I'll be content because I'm addressing some of my heart's desires. :)