I saw Jesus

Sometimes emotions hit hard.

Maybe it was watching my little sister be excited to participate in the Special Olympics. Maybe it was seeing people spontaneously decide to be baptized and celebrating their decision with them. Maybe it was the gentle breeze, sun setting, and the blasting of Kim Walker's "Still Believe" on the drive home. Or maybe, I'm just overtired.

But tonight, emotions are hitting hard.

And the greatest emotion of them all is an overwhelming sense of thankfulness.

There were moments throughout the year where I felt like God was silent. Moments where I felt like I was sitting on the sidelines, discontent with where I was at. Moments where I felt inadequate or like I would never measure up. Moments where I longed for Light to invade darkness. You know the moments- We all have them. Moments where we are desperate to see Jesus.

And when I look back on the year, it takes my breath away. Because in so many faces. In so many conversations. In so many experiences- I saw Him.

And  I'm so thankful because when I look back, specifically in those moments, it's impossible for me not to recognize that He has always been closer than my breath. Always. I'm thankful that the love of God is unconditional. That He is patient with me over and over again. I'm thankful for His grace and that His promises are yes and amen. I'm thankful that the Creator of every star in the sky, knows everything about me, EVERYTHING, and still delights in calling me His. And He always will.

He always will.

How could I ever ask for anything more?

Still, He has customized my world with family, friends, and experiences as tangible proof of that love. Which is mind-blowing to me because so often, I see Him in them and the part that leaves me speechless is that normally it's when I let life take control of itself and I'm not seeking Him like I should be that He shows up in them in the biggest ways. It's the moments where I am the most distracted, the most independent, and where I am seeking other things first, that He reminds me of who He is.

If it was me, in those moments, it would be hard for me to extend that kind of love because I would feel slighted, offended, hurt, or taken for granted. I certainly wouldn't decide to lavish my love on someone in those moments, but He does.

And has over and over again and I'm so thankful. I always hear about how God is our provider and generally, it's regarding finances, but I think He also provides us with the people we need. To smile at the right moment. To say the words we need to hear. To cheer us on. To rejoice with us and weep with us. To be part of the moments that take our breath away- whether they're a leading role or an extra whose name you might not even know. And as messy as people are, I think He gave us each other, so that we could see more of Him.

I believe that with my whole heart because the last year of my life attests to it. I've been changed because of the people in my life. So I'd like to say thank you to all of those who have played a role in my life, big or small, in the past year: Because of you, I saw Jesus.

And what a breathtakingly beautiful sight.