You Make Oceans From the Rain

Yesterday, as I was talking with a buddy of mine (pun intended), I realized how much I miss writing to write. Don't get me wrong, I have had plenty of opportunity to write these days, but unless you're interested in the overt and covert objectives of the history of the social welfare state, you wouldn't be interested. Not that you'd be interested in anything that I write, but I have this overwhelmingly feeling that you can only go up from there. Correct me if I'm wrong.

Anyways, as my first semester of my MSW program is 4 hours away from being completed and I will then find myself on break for a month, I can't help but think of how lately my life has looked like the back of an entertainment center that holds a tv, a dvd player, a stereo, some type of gaming system, and a karaoyke machine, of course. You know what I'm talking about. Pre-modern day houses that consider all those wires and are somehow built in a way to disclose them and pre-wireless creations. I'm talking like when you go behind the entertainment center to plug in something new and you're greeted with chaos and a sinking feeling that shouts "where do I even start?". I can't think of a better image than that to sum up how my life has been looking and feeling. And while the conclusion of a semester is in my opinion a tangible example of heaven meeting earth, it is not the panacea for all those loose wires.

But I know someone who is. Isaiah 43:2-3 says that "when you're in over your head. I'll be there with you. When you're in rough waters, you will not go down. When you're between a rock and a hard place, it won't be a dead end--Because I am your God, your personal God. The Holy of Israel, your Savior."

Not only does Jesus know where each wire starts. He knows where each wire is twisted, turned, and knotted. and even better yet, He knows where they end. Jesus knows. Back in January, the verse "be still and know that I am God" hit me in a new way. I was doing too much. I was taking control where control was not mine to take. I was the opposite of still. But then I heard that verse with new ears and realized that I don't have to have it all together because He is God and if I remain in Him, all I have to know is that He is God. He is God.

As someone who loves organization, feeling like the back of a messy entertainment center is not my cup of tea. Heck, it's not even a cup of milk and I hate milk. My natural response is to want to rip every wire out of the wall and to start over from scratch, but the reality is the wires are too intertwined and the only one who knows how to unravel them all and put it all back together is the one who saw the creation of each wire. Tangled wires are dangerous when someone who is not supposed to be messing with them takes it upon themselves to do so. But God is the God of all comforts and He knows just what to do.

Tangled and loose wires might be accompanied with an array of emotions that I would never choose. Ever. They might be frustrating and difficult and not what I would have choosen, but God sees them and He is good. And His promises for me are true. He is Love. and I have to believe that He is a God who sorts out the back of an entertainment center, even if it He does it slowly one wire at a time, He is a God who finishes what He starts. He makes oceans from the rain.

My Next Chapter

I am about to embark on a new chapter of my life- a chapter that is going to be a test of my faith and what I believe. I am going back to school in the fall to pursue my master's degree in social work full time. This is a big decision for several reasons:

1. It is a completely different major than what I studied in my undergraduate program. I have a bachelor's degree in elementary and special education, grades 1-6 and I am a NYS certified teacher, but I am leaving all credentials aside to study something different and I am excited about it. I knew I didn't want to teach a year before I graduated with the degree, but convinced myself that it was worth trying because of all the work I had put in. I substitute taught for a year and this further confirmed that teaching was not something I wanted to do for a full-time job. But I am thankful for the education I have on education because it very much relates to what I want to do with my next degree.

2. I have to leave my current job. For the past year, I have had the privelege to work with some great kids at Mary Cariola's Children Center, which is a school for children with special needs. I am pretty sure that I was put in the perfect room for me and am thankful that this is both the first and last class I will work in there, because I'm not sure I would ever like any other class as much. The kids are just amazing and have taught me so much. The biggest lesson learned has been that it's possible to communicate all day without using a voice and to be alert to listen for that kind of communication. ( You can check out how our class hatched ducks on our classroom blog here: http://www.justduckyroom3.blogspot.com/ . ) Leaving work is a big decision because I have loan payments and other expenses that will still need to be paid with no income coming in. I am hoping to work out my class schedule and internship so that it is possible for me to work a job part-time somewhere. I'll know this Thursday how realistic that is after a meeting at Roberts (which is where I am going for grad school).

3. My bank account is nearly empty. This also has to do with why leaving my job is such a big decision. In the last month, there have been a lot of unexpected necessary expenses. I never get sick, but I found myself in urgent care with an ear infection in my ear canal needing antiobiotics that my insurance did not cover. I had to put down a nice deposit for my position in the grad program and this week have to pay to take a CLEP exam for the sociology credits that I don't have that are prerequistes to the grad program. I also unexpectantly had to get a new cell-phone. I don't mention all of this to complain, just to emphasize that my bank account really is nearly empty, as these expenses were not in my budget. If I follow my budget as planned, at the end of the month, I will have less than $200 in my account as I go into my last month of work.

Going back to school was a big decision for me to make, is a big decision for me to make. While there are days where all of these factors make me want to run in the other direction, I am certain that this is what God wants me do at this time in my life. While my own reasoning shouts that this is unrealistic and silly, the words in Isa. 55:8-9 remind me that God's plan for my life is better than any plan I could think of on my own.

Isa. 55:8-9 " For my thoughts are not your thoughts,

neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord.

For as the heavens are higher than the earth,

so are my ways higher than your ways

and my thoughts than your thoughts."

While there are moments of anxiety sprinkled in with this decision, they are outnumbered by the moments of excitement. I am excited to study social work and to work towards a degree that I want to use. I am excited to trust God to show up and work things out for me. I know that the dimmer my situtation looks, the more opportunity there is for Him to work. I am excited for the opportunities this decision is going to create and I am excited for the future- as a child trusting in her loving Father, as a student, and eventually as a person with a social work degree. :)

Operation World

I'm not quite sure how I stumbled upon it, but I love the Operation World Website. You should check it out. There are so many different features about the website and I haven't honestly explored them all, but basically, the website helps to focus our prayers for the countries around the world.

I signed up to receive daily e-mails to pray for the country of the day. In the e-mails, they give you some statistical data on each country, as well as a prayer focus. There is also a prayer video you can watch where someone is leading a prayer while images from the country are being shown.Sometimes when I think about the needs of the world, I am overwhelmed and don't know where to begin praying so I love that this website gives me a starting place.

The website also offers a couple e-books in full and partial. I haven't checked any of them out yet other than the prayer devotional, which also gives you information on a country and ways to pray for that country, but I plan on it.

When I see the needs of the world and nations around me, it's impossible for me to grasp where I can start or what I can do, but I can pray. I'm thankful for those who took the time to create the website and research the countries so that I can join in the prayer movement for the world.

The website is: http://www.operationworld.org/. Check it out. :)

week 11: Officals in Turkmenistan continue to falsely accuse Shageldy Atakov to sway his faith in God. Pray he is encouraged.

"When You Call, I won't delay..."

Two thoughts are continually coming up in my times of reading, studying and learning. The thoughts are:

1. To pray with expectancy



2. When God speaks to me, my response should be immediate

While I am not certain how these two thoughts relate quite yet, or at least not how to articulate it, I am certain that both of these principles need to be carried out in my life. I've been reading through the book of Matthew in the Bible and a word that keeps jumping out at me as I read is the word immediately or phrases that mean immediate.

In Matthew 4, Jesus calls Peter and his brother, Andrew to follow him. My bible translation says that "at once, they left their nets and followed him." A few sentences later in the same chapter, Jesus calls James and John to follow him and "immediately they left the boat and their father and followed Him." When Jesus spoke to them, their responses we're immediate. When I look at my life and the times where I have felt called by God and my response, I often find that my responses were not immediate. I often give opportunity to the enemy to convice me of all the reasons why I can't do something. More often than not, when I give opportunity to the enemy, he is the winner in the conversation or at least delays my response enough so that it is no longer relevant. I often hesitate long enough where the moment has passed. When I know that it is God who has called me to do something, my response needs to be immediate. I've recently heard the quote that "delayed obedience is disobedience." When I hesitate or reason with what God has told me to do, I am being disobedient. I am learning that trusting God with my whole heart and to surrender to His will requires my obedience. He is the creator of the Universe and holds my whole world in His hands, who better to trust and obey? When I look at the disciples when Jesus first calls them I wonder what their lives would look like if their response was not immediate? I think about the disciple who after being told to cross to the other side of the lake in Matthew 8:18, asks Jesus if he can first go to bury his father. Jesus reply is "follow me, and let the dead bury their own dead." The cost of being obedient to Jesus is high, but the reward is great. I want to be someone who does not delay in their obedience, but rather responds immediately. I want to be a person who put their trust so completely in God that the only response I have is to immediately follow Him.

In learning about trusting Him and being obedient, I am also learning to pray with expectancy. There are several instances in the book of Matthew where coming before God with an expectant heart is demonstrated. In Matthew 8, a man with leprosy comes before Jesus and says "Lord, if you are willing, you can make me clean." The man does not doubt that Jesus can heal Him, he expects that He can and immediately he was cleansed from his leprosy. In that same chapter, a centurion comes before Jesus and asks him to heal his servant. The centurion says "just say the word, and my servant will be healed." He expects that Jesus can heal his servant and Jesus response is " Go! Let it be done just as you believed it would. and the servant was healed at that very hour." In Matthew 9, a woman who had been bleeding for years said to herself "if I only touch his (Jesus) cloak, I will be healed. Jesus turns and tells the woman that her faith has healed her "and the woman was healed from that moment." So often, I pray to God with a back up plan. I pray "God, help me with..." and after I pray, I carry out my own plan to solve the problem or fix the issue. God has been showing me areas where I have been depending on me and not trusting in Him. He has been showing me that when I pray, I can come before Him with an expectant heart. He has also been showing me that His answers to my prayers do not always look like my answers. In a book I am reading, the author tells a story of a man who was a mountain climber. In one of the climbs, this man fell 32 feet a second and landed on a ledge. Upon waking up from the fall, the man realized that nothing was wrong with him and drove home. For three days, he felt perfectly fine, but on the fourth day, the pain came. His body had been in shock for 3 days. His pain never ceased and is continual to this day. The author talked about how people often come up to this man and ask don't you pray that God will heal you and the man's response is that God has already answered that prayer. They then ask the man what he means because they see that he is still in pain and the man's response is that God has healed him from the need of being healed. God's answers to my prayers are not always my answers, but I can come before God expecting Him to answer them.

I'm learning that trusting God means that I respond immediately to His call and I'm also learning that trusting God means that He'll respond to my cry to Him. I'm learning to come before God with an expectant heart and that when He speaks to me, He is expecting me to follow Him. I'm learning that "according to your faith, it will be done to you" and I am convinced that there is nothing I want more than to put my complete trust in God and to surrender my will to His each day. I'm thankful that God is in the business of using ordinary people like me to further His kingdom and that if I obey Him and come before Him expectantly, even my highest ambitions seem low compared to His will for my life.

week 10: Kalila's parents beat and ridiculed her for her Christian faith before kicking her out in Mauritania.

A Different Kind of Comfortable

I'm currently reading Radical: Taking Your Faith Back from The American Dream by David Platt. I personally believe this book is exceptional and worthy to be read by all, but I am also convinced that a majority of people would abhor this book for the content of this book is not always easy to read. It forces you to look at yourself and your faith and to determine whether it is self-centered or God-centered. As I am reading this book, my heart is excited by what Platt writes and what could happen across the world if we lived in total abandonment to Christ, but even still, I feel the enemy combating everything I read, showing me excuses about why certain things aren't true or why this doesn't apply to me, but the reality is that they are, and it does. I'm only a portion of a way through the book, but wanted to share some of the quotes that are challenging and inspiring my heart.

"Somewhere along the way we had missed what is radical about our faith and replaced it with what is comfortable. We were settling for a Christianity that revolves around catering to ourselves when the central message of Christianity is actually about abandoning ourselves."

"Is His word enough for us?"

"The question for us, then, is whether we trust in His power. And the problem for us is that in our culture, we are tempted at every turn to trust in our own power instead."

"We ask God for gifts in prayer and He gives us the Giver. We ask God for supply and He gives us the Source."

"It's a foundational truth: God creates, blesses and saves each of us for a radically global purpose."

"We have unnecessarily drawn a line of distinction assigning the obligations of Christianity to a few while keeping the privileges of Christianity for us all."

"God has given us His grace to extend His glory to the end of the earth."

I would quote the entire book, but it's already been written. Every chapter excites my heart, as Platt talks about how as believers we are called to spread the gospel to all nations and what that looks like. I'm challenged to not live the comfortable, self-centered Christian life. It's not about me or what I like or what I want- God has redeemed me for His glory and His purposes, not so that I can be comfortable. It's not about picking and choosing what part of God's word applies to my life, every word was God-breathed and intentional. It all applies, the commands apply just as much as the promises. While it's a challenge not to choose the comfortable, easy path, it's not a path that I want to take. I want to live fully abandoned to the Creator of the Universe and let Him guide my path, for He promises plans to give me a hope and future and not to harm me. While He doesn't say it will also be comfortable, I'm a different kind of comfortable resting in His hands.

week 9: Churches in Iraq have been targeted by bombs; believers are afraid to meet there. Pray for courage.

We Are The Solution

As I was filling out an application, I was required to write a written response to the following question: What local, national, or global challenge most concerns you? As issues kept streaming to my mind, they were all accompanied by the question- why is this such an issue? The possible answer to that question is my greatest concern. It is the reality that the majority of society is indifferent to the reality of those around them, particularly those who are less fortunate or in more need than themselves. I believe that the society we live in recognizes issues such as homelessness, addictions, drop-out rates, and poverty and even recognizes solutions to the issues, but are not compelled to act. This concerns me because if we are not moved by the desperate situations that we are exposed to, how will we ever become a part of the solution?

I must admit that I have been guilty of indifference. There have been many times where I have seen brokenness and not stopped to give it a second thought. Times when I have been too self-absorbed in my own life to see the needs of those around me. Times where I was not moved in the slightest after hearing about a situation that should have broken my heart. It's happened more times in my life than it should, especially as a follower of Jesus.

But as I've been reading the Word this past month, the commandment to love God and to love others is continually being placed on my heart. As my love for God has increased, so has my love for His people. God has been showing me that too often I choose who I am going to love and not allowing or asking my heart to be broken for what breaks His. As a result of this realization, I began to change my prayer, asking God to break my heart for what breaks His and He did, and I pray that He continues to open my eyes to see the situations right in my own community where I can start to be a solution.

God gave me the heart for the lonely, lost, and forgotten years ago, but in the past month, He has renewed my heart for those who society has given up hope on. I was guilty of thinking the city of Rochester was hopeless. I've heard about the homicide rate. I've seen the challenges and behaviors the school districts are facing. I know what home life looks like for some of the children and I've been guilty of saying that that is just the city of Rochester and that is just how it is. But I stand corrected. Jesus is the Lord of that city and where Jesus is, there is always hope. No matter what the situation looks like to me or to the world, if He is there, there is redemptive and saving power. He is the God of the city and with Him, nothing is impossible.

I was driving in my car when God spoke all this to my heart and my heart was broke- not just for the city of Rochester, but because I realized I had been speaking more death into a situation in desperate need of life. As believers, we have the power of Christ in us to speak life or death into a situation and my indifference to what was going on in the city was not breathing life into the situation. It was accepting it for how it is and failing to acknowledge that the Creator of the Universe is the one in control and He is able to do miracles. I was failing to walk in the fact that God in me is the hope of glory and that if I am willing, He will use me and work through me- that through Christ in me, hope can be brought into a city I had no authority to deem hopeless. As long as Jesus is in control, there is hope.

I am humbled by the fact that God loves me enough to share this realization with me. That He entrusts this truth to me and is willing to open the eyes of my heart to the things that break His. I will choose to speak life into the brokenness of our city. I will not accept stereotypes and complacency and while I am not sure what being part of the solution looks like yet in my life, I am committed to praying for the wisdom and heart of God so that I may be used by Him to bring hope to a broken world, just like He has brought hope in my brokenness.

Week 8: Luis, 18, spends his school vacations, trekking into guerrilla territory, sharing the good news in Colombia. Pray for young evangelists.