Redeemed

Whenever I hear the word "redeemed my first thought is always the glass counter at the Chucky Cheese containing all the stickers, bouncy balls, and random odds n' ends you could hope for. After all, that is where you redeem that piece of paper the ticket counting machine printed out for you after swallowing all the tickets you won bumping those crocodiles on the head. It's where you upgrade from one piece of paper to six mood rings and a hello kitty pencil with an eraser, thank you very much. It's the highlight of your visit to the mouse with the moves.

While I haven't been to Chucky Cheese in quite some time,  I do hear the word "redeemed" a lot and I always find myself relating to that piece of paper the ticket counting machine prints out for you. Out of context, that paper doesn't have much value. It's easily torn, destroyed, or trashed. It has no worth, unless there is a redeemer on the other side of that counter ready to exchange it. It symbolizes all of your effort. It's a record of all the times you flipped that coin into the dinosaur's mouth. But that effort doesn't get you the prize, it gets you that piece of paper and no matter what the number on the paper says, it doesn't matter unless there is a redeemer of that paper on the other side of the counter.

My piece of paper might not be evidence of my human effort to make as many baskets as I can in 30 seconds, but my piece of paper is caked with times where I've missed the shot. It's a record of my sin and the times where I've trusted myself more than I've trusted my God. Times where I've boasted in my own strength, not realizing my weakness. Times where I've turned to things to satisfy desires, only to be left unsatisfied. Times where my effort just didn't measure up. Times where I was hoping my effort would get me the prize, forgetting that unless there is a Redeemer in the mix, I can try all I want but there's no redemption. Only a Redeemer can redeem.

But when you hand that piece of paper over the counter into the hands of the Redeemer, suddenly instead of holding a useless piece of paper, you've got that sticky gak that caught your eye the first 30 seconds you walked in and the best part is that when it's in your hands, it's even better than you imagined. It feels so much better than when you were holding onto that paper. And that paper you held on to so tight, is thrown out, forgotten, not given a second glance. All of this made possible by the fact that the ticket redeemer showed up to work and was there on the other side of the counter.

How thankful I am that the Redeemer of my life is always there. That He can take my tattered heart, my failures, my measly efforts and turn them into something better than I even imagined.  That He takes that worthless piece of paper willingly into His own hands. That my worth is not dependent on that paper, but on the fact that my Redeemer showed up. That I am not known by my sin because my Redeemer has thrown out the paper and in it's place given me the prize from the highest shelf. Oh, how thankful I am that my Redeemer lives.

The Valley of Baca

Because I have the dictionary.com app, I know that the definition of a valley is “an elongated depression between uplands, hills, or mountains” or “a low point or interval in any process, representation, or situation” or any of the other 6  definitions that my app gives, which I’ll summarize for you in saying, valleys are low places. I don’t know about you, but if it were up to me, I’d like to avoid any and all elongated depressions, but the reality is valleys are inevitable.

In Psalm 84, the Psalmist talks about a valley. Psalm 84 is about a group of people who are on a journey to Jerusalem to the tabernacle which held the Ark of the Covenant and the “manifest presence of God”. It was a place of worship and joy, but to get there, one had to pass through the Valley of Baca, or the Valley of Weeping. The Psalmist writes: ^“ Blessed (happy, fortunate, to be envied) is the man whose strength is in You, in whose heart are the highways to Zion. Passing through the Valley of Weeping (Baca), they make it a place of springs; the early rain also fills [the pools] with blessings. They go from strength to strength [increasing in victorious power]; each of them appears before God in Zion.”- Psalm 84: 5-7 AMP

Okay, so it doesn’t take much to make me giddy, but those verses are jam packed with way more than much and holy moly, giddiness ensues. As previously mentioned, valleys are low places usually laced with negative connotations. (Sidenote: It’s taking everything in me not to break out in the first verse of the song You Never Let Go.) When I’m walking through a valley, I feel at my weakest. I feel tired, defeated, and in no way do I want to exert the effort that it’s going to take to climb up out of the valley. But lucky for me, the Bible says that at my weakest, God is strong. “but He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong. (2 Corinthians 12:8-10). And Psalm 84 says that “blessed is the man who strength is in You”.

I’m no mathematician, but I think 2 Corinthians 12:8-10 + Psalm 84:5 = I’m blessed.

And if that wasn’t enough, the Psalmist isn’t finished yet, continuing with “Passing through the Valley of Weeping, they make it a place of springs; the early rain also fills the pools with blessing…” If you read that too fast, you might have just missed one of my favorite parts of the whole passage. PASSING THROUGH. ( Sidenote: I am now refraining from singing the bridge of You Never Let Go and simultaneously wanting to break out the chorus of “You make Oceans from the Rain”.) Valleys are for passing through. They may seem forever long and the temptation to give up might constantly be knocking at your door, but God promises that “….the nights of crying your eyes out, give way to days of laughter” (Psalm 30:5) and that there is a light that is coming for the heart that holds on (okay, so the bridge snuck out there a little bit).

But to stop there would be missing a very important part of how we are to pass through the valley, the verse continues with “they make it a place of springs”. Another translation says “make it a well”. How does one make a well? They dig. Digging is hard work and takes effort, but so does walking victoriously through a valley. I once heard someone say “it’s about praising when you dig and digging while you praise.” And well, doesn’t that quote just fit so appropriately right there? Seriously though, I think there’s more to this whole “make it a well” thing. Once you make the well, it’s kind of like a reminder of God’s goodness. Psalm 119:29-32 MSG says “barricade the road that goes nowhere; grace me with your clear revelation. I choose the true road to Somewhere, I post your road signs at every curve and corner. I grasp and cling to whatever you tell me; God, don’t let me down! I’ll run the course you lay out for me if You just show me how.”

When you’re walking through the valley, it sucks, but the wells you make in the valley are going to be the road signs that keep you on the right path. It is my assertion that the times I find myself the most lost in a valley are the times where I have forgotten to dig the wells, so when I look back for a reminder of the path I’m on or when I’m parched and looking for a drink, I find other things to satisfy my thirst, which leads me down the path to nowhere because unless it’s God filling the pools, I’m going to become thirsty again. (Sidenote: You know I just sang the line “Jesus, You’re the Cup that won’t run dry” from “Your presence is heaven to me”). Isaiah 41:17-18 MSG reads “The poor and needy search for water, but there is none. Their tongues are parched with thirst, but I, the Lord, will answer them. I, the God of Israel, will not forsake them. I will make rivers flow on barren heights, and springs within the valleys. I will turn the desert into pools of water and the parched grounds into springs.” If we make the wells, He will fill them. I can dig that. Pun intended.

And still, there’s more. Verse 7 of Psalm 84 says “They go from strength to strength [increasing in victorious power]; each of them appears before God in Zion.” Not only will God continue to fill the wells dug in the valley, breathing hope into the lowest places, but we will go from strength to strength until we get to our destination. The people the Psalm is written about had a final destination in mind. They wanted to get to Zion, and after walking through the valley and digging the wells, God brought them through it and to it. And now, ladies and gentleman, there’s no way I’m going to refrain from singing: “Hallelujah, You have won the victory. Hallelujah, You have won it all for me.” Because seriously, who is like our God?

God Does Not Waste Pain

Well, today is "Write It Wednesday" and I don't feel much like writing, which complicates the whole "write it" part. So, instead of writing something new, I'm going to post something I wrote during my undergrad program called "God Does Not Waste Pain". I hadn't read it, probably since I originally wrote it five years ago, but in the last two weeks, two different relatives brought it up in conversation and it made me curious to read it again. So I did and it's not the most well-written, but it was a reminder that I needed to hear: God Does Not Waste Pain.

In 1 Peter 1:6-9, Peter is talking to a group of Christians who are undergoing a season of suffering. Peter says “ In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer all grief in all kinds of trials. They have come so that your faith- of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire-may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory, and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed. Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy, for you are receiving the goal of your faith, the salvation of your souls.”

I never truly understood this scripture until five months ago when I received a phone call that changed my life. I was at the beach with a friend when I realized I had missed a call from my mom and she had left a voicemail. Thinking nothing of it, I listened to the voicemail. It wasn’t my mom, but rather a friend of the family. In the voicemail, she was clearly upset so I called my mom’s cell phone back immediately. This time, my mom answered crying and asked me to come home right away. At this point, I still had no idea what was going on so I asked my mom what had happened. She said to just come home, but because I am stubborn and didn’t think she should be allowed to cry on the phone to me and tell me to come home without telling me why, I persistently kept asking what had happened. Eventually she told me that there had been an accident. When I asked her what the accident was she finally told me that my brother had committed suicide. The moments following that are unclear. I just remember instantly breaking down and in a state of unbelief. I could not tell you how I made the drive home from the beach that day or what happened once I got home, but I can tell you that from the instance my mom hung up the phone, I was thrown into the biggest test of faith in my life.

I would be lying if I said that my initial reaction was to trust God or that I immediately understood that there was a reason for all of this to happen. And I would be lying still if I said I understood any of it today. But I do have the reassurance that God does not waste pain. Peter tells us that. He reminds us that suffering exists only for a little while in comparison to an eternal life of glory. He reminds us that suffering is necessary to refine our faith.

In verses 6 and 7 of the highlighted text, Peter says that it is necessary for us to have all kinds of trials for a little while so that our faith can be of greater worth than gold. So when we are struggling, because we all do, whether it is stress, death, depression, arguments, relationships, etc., we can be encouraged because Jesus is redefining our faith so that it will result in praise, glory, and honor when He is revealed! He is not wasting our pain, but rather using it to make our faith genuine. He is allowing our suffering to turn into praise.

The week after my brother’s death with the calling hour and funeral preparations seemed to last forever. However, in the midst of all this, it was impossible not to see God’s greatnesses. God was in every food plate my family received. He was in every person who took the time to visit, to call, to write. He was in every donation, every prayer. He was everywhere. It is easy to believe in God when everything is going right for you. But in a situation where nothing seems to be right, you find out if your faith is genuine or not and you grow in that faith. My heart was absolutely broken, but in the midst of my suffering I had to praise God for this incredible out pour of love my family was receiving. An outpour that could only be explained as demonstrations of God’s love. At my brother’s funeral, they sang Chris Tomlin’s song, “How Great is Our God.” And at first, I was mad at my mom for choosing that song. It was one of my favorites and I thought I would be sad every time I heard it from now on. But instead I find myself praising the God who gives and takes away every time the words come on the radio or the band starts playing it at church. Only a Great God could allow for us to smile in that kind of sadness. Only a Great God could allow us to grow in faith when all we think we can do is break. Only a Great God could refine our faith in our suffering.        

We all have struggled whether it is personally, financially, emotionally, or physically. We have all been there and I am sure we can all agree that in the struggle is not a place we truly enjoy being. But Peter tells us to not lose faith, but rather realize that God is refining our faith in the struggle. He is making us into the person He wants us to be. He is not wasting our pain.

In the book, Why?, by Anne Graham Lotz, she talks about the difference between a turkey and an eagle and how they react to storms. She says “I understand that a turkey and an eagle react differently to the threat of a storm. A turkey reacts by running under the barn, hoping the storm won’t come near. On the other hand, an eagle leaves the security of its nest and spreads its wings to ride the air currents of the approaching storm, knowing they will carry it higher in the sky than it could soar on its own. Based on your reaction to the storms of life, which are you? A turkey or an eagle?” 

And I pose a similar question: Do we want to be turkeys who only see the pain in our suffering or do we want to be the eagles trusting that God is molding us more into the person we are supposed to be in our suffering?”

Dear Friends...

Lately, as I've been reading, it seems the things that are sticking out most to me are in regards to relationships. As previously mentioned, I'm convinced that I have the best friends and family this crazy world has to offer and when I recognize the fact that God customized my world with them in it, it knocks my argyle socks right off. In recognizing that they are gifts determined just for me from the Giver of all gifts, I cherish them all the more. However, so often I fail at telling them. This is my attempt.

When I think about moments in my life where I've felt the most loved, the saying "the people who matter most to us are those who show up in our lives" can be applied to almost every situation. Showing up can mean an array of things. By choosing to show up, however that may look, from being physically present or whispering a prayer miles away, in that moment, you're choosing someone else over yourself. You're saying, in your showing up, "hey, your worth my time." I never want to miss the opportunity to let someone know that. Dear friends, you are so worth my time.

When I think about moments in my life where I've felt the most broken, I can point to people who have been willing to show up and in their showing up, they were putting me back together. I think about the friends who knew that there was a crying me on the other end of the phone, but picked up anyway. I think about the friends who have come out to their porch after dark to give me a hug, no questions asked. I think about the friends who have just sat with me in silence instead of forcing a conversation. I think about the friends who have prayed for me and with me. I think about the friends who have been with me in awkward situations and remained themselves. Friends who tell a joke, when most wouldn't. Friends who just listen, even in my crazy, irrational rants. Friends who call me out. Friends who do not compromise in speaking truth. (Sidenote: My friends are better than yours. Hands down.) In all of those scenarios, there is a common theme. I was met with a heart that loved me and in that moment, was committed to me, "a heart full of hope for" me. Dear friends, my heart is full of hope for you.

When I think about moments in my life where the most laughter has ensued, it has been the moments where spontaneity was the most possible. Where there has been freedom to just be. When "you are free to love without an agenda". When there is expectancy without expectation.

"If you and I are friends, there is an expectancy that exists within our friendship. When we see each other or are apart, there is expectancy of being together, of laughing and talking. That expectancy has no concrete definition; it is alive and dynamic and everything that emerges from our being together is a unique gift shared by no one else. But what happens if I change that ‘expectancy’ to an ‘expectation’ -- spoken or unspoken? Suddenly, law has entered into our relationship. You are now expected to perform in a way that meets my expectations. Our living friendship rapidly deteriorates into a dead thing with rules and requirements. It is no longer about you and me, but about what friends are supposed to do, or responsibilities of a good friend" (The Shack)

This notion that love does not force itself has been replaying over and over in my mind. Friendship that is forced is not really friendship because the beauty of friendship is that it's a choice. You can choose whether or not someone is your friend, that's what makes it so special. You're someones friend because they choose you. Dear friends, oh how, I choose you.

When I think about those whom I love the greatest and whom have loved me the greatest, I think about those who I know the most and whom I have allowed to know me the most."So many believe that it is love that grows, but it is the knowing that grows and love simply expands to contain it. Love is just the skin of knowing" It's the people who have seen me at my worst and in those moments have never ceased to love me like I was at my best. It's the people who know that even though I might say this, I mean that. It's the people who know all of silly quirks and insecurities, but love me anyway. It's the people who know me and stay. Dear friends, I love knowing you.

Dear friends, dear friends, dear friends....

Rwanda

Dear Family and Friends,                    

      

Hello! I hope this letter finds you and your family well. I’m writing to share with you the awesome opportunity that I have been given this summer.

I’ve been chosen to serve on a short-term mission team to Rwanda. We will be working with All God’s Children International, an international adoption and orphan care ministry.

When: August 3^rd, 2012- August 13^th, 2012

Where: Rwanda

Cost: Approximately $3000 per team member. This covers transportation, food, and materials. Each team member is responsible for raising 100% of their financial and prayer support. I need to turn in my payment by the end of June.

Purpose: The objectives of our trip are still being worked out, but we will be working with several orphanages in Rwanda. Our team leader is currently working with the people in Rwanda to see where their greatest needs are so that we can help out in those areas.

I am so excited about this mission. Ever since I had the opportunity to go to Rwanda in 2008, I have wanted to go back to the beautiful country and am so thankful that the opportunity to do so has come up. Will you please consider sharing this opportunity with me as the Lord leads you to pray and/or give?

To give, please mail cash or check to : Joelle Truax, P.O. Box 393, Byron, NY 14422.

Thank you so much for your consideration,

Joelle         

"I'll punch him for you"

If you don't yet know it, I'm going to let you in on a little secret, my friends are better than yours. It's not up for debate and frankly, even if it were, you would lose. I have incredible friends and some of those friends come with incredible built-in friends, also known as their kids. And today, I had the privilege of hanging out with two of my favorites.


We went to the park for a picnic, played on the playground, walked some trails, and then headed out to Mickey D's for some ice cream (or cookies) and more play time on the playground there.


As I was watching them play on the playground, I heard this from the very top of the slide:

Sissy: "Christian, did that boy just call you a name?"
(I couldn't see or hear what Christian said, but I did hear Sissy's response to whatever he did.)
Sissy: "Cause if he called you a name, I'll punch him for you"

No punching actually went down, but as I retold this story multiple times today, I was reminded that Jesus, like Sissy, is willing to throw some punches for us if we ask Him to. He's already won the fight, but if someone is calling us names, He's quick to remind us that He is on our side and if we ask Him to, He's ready to throw some power punches.

He's asking "Is that temptation pulling too hard?", "Is anxiety stealing your peace?", "Are those lies defining you?" And He's following it by "In this world you may have trouble. but take heart- I have overcome the world" (John 16:33). He's saying that He's already won the fight.

I love that. I love that I am on the winning side and that what is over my head is underneath His feet, but so often, when I'm in a "battle", I don't remember that He's right there waiting for me to call His name. So instead of asking the King of Kings to step in, I start swinging punches all by myself.

And let me tell you, I punch like a girl in these types of fights and as a result, I do a whole lot of losing. But I'm learning that if I would just stop my "punching" and trust that not only is God on my side, but He is fighting for me and He never fails, then I realize that even when I, in my own punching, lose a "battle", my God has won the war. And even if I am knocked to the ground thousands of times, and there's hardly any fight left in me, nothing can change the fact. After all, "The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still." (Exodus 14:14) I am so thankful for a God who is willing to fight for me. I am so thankful for a God who is able. I am so thankful.

"When stormy seas are way to hard for me to handle, and at times when I'm losing faith, You told me all I have to do is call on Your name, You're fighting every wave."

Untitled

Being authentic in one's vulnerability, in my opinion, is hands down the most relatable and relevant way of being. Again, in my opinion, it's also the hardest way to be because it requires you to admit your weaknesses, your struggles, your ups and your downs. It requires that you allow others to see the mess you really are because after all, we are all a mess. It's not easy to be authentic, but gosh, it is so admirable.

I have been crazy blessed with a handful of people in my life who are the definition of authentic. I've been reading a lot about authenticity in leadership and what that looks like and every time I get to a paragraph or sentence that is saturated with the beauty of what authentic living is, I can think of examples, which makes me the definition of lucky.

Vulnerability does not come natural to me, although I'm not sure it comes natural to anyone. I'm awkward as it is, and when there's moments where I'm attempting to let someone in, my awkwardness is magnified to the 10th power. I don't make eye contact, my voice turns into just above a whisper, I stammer through my words, and usually can never quite get to what I actually want to say, so I text it to the person after the fact (and for all of those who know me, you know how true that is). The uncanny part of all of this is I would love to just be able to "say what I need to say" (if you just felt the need to sing John Mayer, I totally understand), but like I said vulnerability is hard.

However, the times where I have actually been able to get a sentence or two out in my attempts at vulnerability, I am met with authenticity and when vulnerability meets authenticity, the interaction becomes life-giving. No one says "I'm struggling with this..." and wants to hear text book answers. At least, I don't think anyone does. People want to be listened to. People aren't always looking for all the right answers, but rather someone who will say I don't know the answer, but I'm on you're side and I'll walk with you while you find them. People want to know they aren't alone. They want to be affirmed that they aren't crazy and that others have been through similar experiences. People want people who are authentic and willing to be honest in their vulnerability with them. (Disclaimer: I don't really know what people want so I probably should have just used "I", but that would put the attention on me and you know how I am with that whole being vulnerable thing...;) ).

As I mentioned earlier, I've been reading a lot about authenticity and vulnerability and Henri Nouwen in one of his books says "I have found that they very feeling which has seemed to me most private, most personal and hence most incomprehensible by others, has turned out to be an expression for which there is resonance in many other people. It has led me to believe that what is more personal and unique in each one of us is probably the very element which would, if it were shared or expressed, speak most deeply to others." In moments where I've butchered vulnerability, I've been met with people who were willing to speak deeply to me, who were willing to share stories of brokenness with me, who were willing to lay down doubts of what I might think of their sharing but to share anyway, who were absolutely selfless with their sharing, and who exemplified the statement that "in our woundedness, we can become a source of life for others". Remember when I said that I am the definition of lucky? Case in point.

I think the beauty of vulnerability meeting authenticity is the fact that "hope rises in your heart when you share your pain with each other" (Lisa Gungor). It's being honest with the fact that things aren't always perfect, but there's hope and part of that hope is that you're not alone. Personally, I feel as though when I open the door to invite people into my struggles with me, it's also the beginning of finding the door out of the struggle. If someone else knows and stays, to me, that's hope. Again my boy Nouwen says "who can take away suffering without entering in?"

I love that line because it's describing exactly what Jesus did for us. He entered into suffering so that He could take it away. What a depiciton of selfless love. What a Savior. What an example. I am so thankful that Jesus was, is, and is yet to come. I am so thankful that I know people who have surrendered their lives to this Jesus and who walk out His love. "Jesus is in the middle of the suffering. He's in the middle of the pain and somehow His face is seen when we help each other and share that with each other".

I'm so thankful that I know people who are willing to be vulnerable and authentic and who when I'm in a struggle, somehow help me see His face and become more aware of His presence. It's moments like that among many other moments that make lines like "Your presence is heaven to me" so meaningful. Because when there are moments that point to His presence or help to see His face in the middle of a storm..that's better than a cold drink of water on a super hot day...AND.. Jesus is the cup that won't run dry. Gracious.